


Accepting Logic

by Frejennix, Lalijinx



Series: The Other Side of the Mirror [7]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Light/Dark Sides Switch, Emotional Repression, Fear of Abandonment, Food mention, Gen, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Guilt, Intrusive Thoughts, Janus’s Cooking as a Coping Mechanism, Mentions of Lackluster Parenting Techniques, Nightmares, Original Backstory for Canon Characters, Self Destructive Behavior/Thought Patterns, Thought Spirals, zalgo text
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25788847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frejennix/pseuds/Frejennix, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalijinx/pseuds/Lalijinx
Summary: Things are about to change in a major way, for Thomas, his core sides, and everyone else.But change is not without its challenges.(Episode 7, Arc 1)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Thomas Sanders & Sides
Series: The Other Side of the Mirror [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794676
Comments: 120
Kudos: 189
Collections: TSS Fanworks Collective





	1. Temporary Relocation

“Remus, it's time for breakfast!”

Remus choked, jackknifing into an upright position. He coughed, eyes closed, feeling the globule of mucus that had lodged in his throat loosen, probably flying across the room. He groaned as soon as he caught his breath, rubbing his aching neck as the pain of sleeping at his desk made itself known. 

At least he didn't sleep with his face on his work this time. That had been difficult to explain, especially when it refused to come off, even after vigorous scrubbing.

Thank  _ fuck _ that the only word that had been legible was ‘Dear’. Remus didn't think Janus would have  _ ever  _ let it go if he had realized who Remus had been writing letters to.

He groaned again, even louder than before as he gingerly got out of his desk chair, his bones cracking and popping like fireworks under his skin. His sleepwear had dried off sometime during the night, but the fear sweat had made the normally soft fabric crunchy and rough. Grimacing, he headed to shower, turning the water hot enough to turn his skin pink even before he started scrubbing.

“REMUS! BREAKFAST!” 

Remus swore under his breath. He contemplated unfogging the mirror so he could style his hair, but decided not to. After the previous night’s dreams, he didn't...didn't want to see his reflection right now, was all. No big deal. Certainly nothing to cry about.

Besides, he had already done enough of that last night.

He wrapped a towel around his waist, trying to remember which piles of clothes were the clean laundry piles, and which were not. He grabbed a couple of shirts. 

Bloodstained. He tossed it over his shoulder. Torn in three places. Another careless toss. Covered in something sticky and green that had a smell like not-quite-spoiled-milk-but-getting-there. Remus considered lighting that one on fire, but remembered the many times before when he had lit a smelly shirt on fire and found it smelled even worse. He just banished that one entirely.

“REMUS! YOU UP?” Virgil called from downstairs. Remus swore again, deciding to just conjure clothes onto himself, a loose green shirt that dipped at the collar and black pants, a little less tight than usual.

“I’M COMING!” he said, slicking his wet hair back and grabbing the papers off his desk, putting them in the chest under his bed with the rest of his secret letters. “BE RIGHT THERE!”

* * *

_ “Remus?” Virgil’s voice said quietly, followed by a slightly muffled knock. “You up?” _

_ “Will I get in trouble if I say yes?” Remus asked suspiciously. Outside his door, Virgil snorted. _

_ “Nope, just me, trash panda.” Virgil said. “Can I come in?” _

_ “Sure!” Remus said, gesturing to unlock his door rather than get down from his loft. “What’s up?” he asked, putting down his paintbrush and wiping his hands on his ancient, paint-stained shirt. _

_ “Have…” Virgil grimaced, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Has Logic been coming to see you?” _

_ “...is this an ambush? Are you gonna tell me I can't be friends with him anymore?” Remus asked. He couldn't think of any other reason why Virgil would want to know something like that. “Cause that would be a majorly dick move to make me choose between you two-” _

_ “No, no, I'm not…” Virgil huffed, running a hand through his hair. “I wouldn't do that to you. Whatever my problems with Logic were, I would never do that to you.” _

_ “...were?” Remus repeated, feeling his eyes go wide. “Past tense?” _

_ Virgil said nothing, just stood uncomfortably in the middle of Remus’s room, but Remus and Virgil didn't need words, not at times like this. Remus finished wiping off his hands and descending the ladder. _

_ “So I never asked how the debate went. Did you like my posters?” he asked, pulling off his painting shirt as he headed to his bathroom to scrub the paint off his arms. _

_ Still, Virgil said nothing, but that was okay. Remus knew that not talking meant he was on the right track. And if Virgil wasn't going to talk about the debate, it was up to Remus to talk it out for him. _

_ “He was really adamant that Thomas shouldn't do the show, wasn't he?” Remus said, pulling on a clean shirt. “Kinda weird for him to dig in his heels so hard. Did he talk about what his issue was?” _

_ “No.” _

_ “No? How was he able to make a logical argument then?” _

_ “He didn't.” _

_ “What do you mean?” Remus asked. Virgil didn't answer, staying silent enough that Remus had to check to make sure he was still there. “Virge?” _

_ “Have you seen him?” Virgil asked suddenly. “Since the debate?” _

_ “No?” Remus said, only just realizing that himself, but he shrugged off his initial discomfort, taking a seat on his bed. “He doesn't come around all the time. He’s got his own stuff to do, and I…” _

_ Remus didn't want Logic to get tired of him, didn't want whatever novelty and grace that kept Logic coming back to run out. As much as he would love to have Logic around all the time, he tried not to summon him every time he wanted to talk, saving up his conversation topics so that when he did need Logic, he could make the time last. _

_ “Why do you ask?” _

_ “...I promised Thomas I would keep an eye on him. I thought...I guess I thought he would come around more often.” Virgil crossed the room, perching on Remus’s elaborately carved footboard. “You haven't heard from him at all?” _

_ “No. Should I have?” Remus said, the discomfort taking root in his stomach. “Did something happen at the debate?” _

_ Virgil didn't say anything, which pretty much answered Remus’s question even if it didn't offer more information. _

_ “Would it make you feel better if I called him?” Remus asked, mostly rhetorically, as he was already closing his eyes and clearing his mind.  _

_ ‘Logic?’ _

_ Remus winced at the sudden jab of pain in his skull. “Ow.” he muttered, rubbing his temple. “Um...that’s weird.” _

_ “What?” Virgil said, and Remus jumped, having almost forgotten that Virgil was even there. “What’s wrong?” _

_ “Have you ever tried to summon Janus when he was with Thomas?” Remus asked. Virgil blinked. _

_ “Yeah? What about it?” _

_ “Did it feel kind of like a busy signal, but more...spikey and painful?” _

_ “...Kind of?” Virgil said, his eyes narrowing. “Isn't Thomas supposed to be asleep right now?”  _

_ “Yeah. His dream sequence has been going on for like…an hour.” _

_ “Why is Logic hanging around out there?” Virgil asked. Remus got to his feet. _

_ “Let’s go ask him.” _

_ “Janus will know if you manifest.” _

_ “I don't care.” Remus lied, tapping his fingers against his leg.“Something’s off, right? Aren't your spidey senses tingling?” He asked, turning to look at Virgil, who had that look on his face. “What?” _

_ “...You do care.” Virgil said, in that gentle way that he told Remus all the things he knew but didn’t want to hear. He got to his feet, putting his hand on Remus’s shoulder to push him back down on his bed. “Stay here. I'll go talk to him.” _

_ “But-” _

_ “I will come right back with him, even if I have to knock him out and drag him here.” Virgil said. “Don't you trust me?” _

_ “...we’d be pretty terrible partners in crime if I didn't.” Remus said, holding his fist out to Virgil. Virgil tapped his wrapped knuckles against Remus’s. _

_ “I’ll be right back.” He promised again, vanishing from view a moment later. _

_ While he waited, Remus systematically went through every distraction technique that had ever worked for him in the past. He counted aliens, he rearranged the paintings in his loft, taking care to keep the secret ones out of view. He wrote ideas down in his notebook, and when all of that didn’t work, he started to pace the perimeter of the room, his hands tapping against himself and anything within reach. _

_ Until the silence was shattered with a shout. _

_ “REMUS! JANUS!” Virgil called frantically from somewhere downstairs, and Remus was already running by the time Virgil said, “GET DOWN HERE!” _

_ “What?” Janus shouted, close on Remus’s heels as he thundered down the stairs, vaulting over the banister at the bottom. “What’s wrong? Is it Thomas?” _

_ “Is that Logic?!” Remus yelped, as Virgil came into view, holding the limp form of Logic. “I thought you were  _ **_kidding_ ** _ about the knocking out and dragging, what the fuck-” _

_ “I am not the bad guy here. This idiot did this to himself.” He snapped, lifting Logic into his arms and carrying him to the sofa. _

_ “How?” _

_ “He’s been outside for days.” _

_ “Outside? Outside where?” Remus asked. Virgil gave him a dry, unimpressed look underneath his disheveled hair, and the penny dropped. “Outside THOMAS?” Remus asked, his voice loud and high. _

_ “Is he INSANE?” Janus shouted, white as a sheet. _

_ The sides had learned through trial and error that the food that they ate while manifesting for Thomas did not sustain them, and no matter how hard they tried, they were unable to sleep while manifesting. It was...just how things were. They were not made to stay outside of Thomas. _

_ “How long has he been out there?”  _

_ “Judging by his condition? A long fucking while.” Virgil snapped. “He fainted once we got here so at least he's sleeping now,” he said on a sigh, running his hand through his hair again. _

_ “But he could be really dehydrated!” Remus said. “Dehyrdation can fuck you up real bad, this one time we were-” _

_ “Remus.” Janus said firmly. Remus looked up at him, and he could feel his lip trembling as he tried to keep looking at Janus and not on Logic’s collapsed, probably dehydrated form on the couch. “He’s gonna be fine. As soon as he wakes up, we’ll make him drink and eat and we’ll figure out what the fuck he was thinking, okay? I promise.”  _

* * *

“Morning Remus.” Janus said, flipping a pancake with ease. “Did you see Logic on your way down?”

“Nope.” Remus said, looking at the spread of food on the table with an overt amount of suspicion. He didn't think that Janus had anything to be rage cooking about. Unless he had heard Remus having nightmares...

But he had made sure to be very quiet, even after he had calmed down.

“Did he ever get to sleep?” Virgil asked, idly tossing an orange into the air. Remus shot him a questioning look, gesturing at the food and then at himself. Virgil shook his head, continuing, “I thought I heard him skulking around at like three last night.”

“No, that was me. Logic was still up then though, I saw the lights on in his room.” Remus said, relief loosening his tongue. He immediately regretted it when Janus whipped around and glared at him. “I mean…” he said, drawing out the word to give him time to invent an excuse.

“And  _ what _ were the two of you doing up at three in the morning?” Janus asked pointedly. Remus gulped.

“Well, I better go wake him up, can't let him waste daylight, be back in a bit!” Virgil said, hastily getting up and heading out of the room.

“Stop. DOING THAT!” Remus shouted after him, throwing an apple at him that went wide. “I’M GOING TO EAT ALL YOUR BACON, YOU UNSUBTLE KARATE KID WANNABE!”

“DO IT AND DIE!” Virgil shouted back. Remus grumbled, taking every piece of bacon but one from the serving plate.

“So. Three in the morning?” Janus said, putting a plate of chocolate pancakes in front of Remus. Remus looked up through wet bangs, trying to gauge Janus's reaction. 

But Janus had his ‘you need to take care of yourself better, Rem’ face on, not his ‘I know why you’re upset, but I’m still not going to talk about it’ face.

“In my defense-” Remus began, his shoulders untensing just a bit.

“Nope. Don't wanna hear ‘in my defense’ because then you just start talking until I get too distracted to remember why I'm mad at you.” Janus sighed heavily, staring at the ceiling in an attempt to not roll his eyes. “You have to sleep at normal human times, Rem. You can't survive on just a couple of hours of sleep...” he trailed off, his eyes narrowing. “Remus.”

“Yes Janus?” Remus said, his eyes big and round, so innocent that it couldn't be anything but fake.

“You  _ did  _ go to sleep at some point, right?” Janus asked, in a way that implied that he already thought he knew the answer but was reeeeally hoping that Remus would prove him wrong.

“...these pancakes are so delicious, Janus, really, you should be on the Food Network-”

“He wouldn't answer.” Virgil said, coming back into the kitchen. Remus took the time to stuff his mouth in the vain hope that Janus wouldn't keep questioning him with his mouth full. 

“Did you leave time for him to answer or did you just knock on the door and run?” Janus asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Hey, I gave him a whole two seconds to answer.” Virgil said, biting into the apple he had retrieved from the living room. “Where’d all my bacon go?”

“I’ll be right back. Don't kill each other.” Janus said, putting down Virgil’s plate of pancakes before heading towards the stairs.

“But light maiming is fine, right?” Virgil called. Silence answered him, and he turned a vicious grin on Remus. “He didn't say no.” he said in a sing-song.

“Virgil, I'm eating!” Remus said, trying to sound as scandalized as possible, reaching blindly for something to defend himself.

“I’ll teach you not to steal my bacon, you garbage disposal disguised as a person-!”

When Janus got back, he found both of them quietly eating, which was, of course, their first mistake. Remus and Virgil never quietly did anything together. 

Their second mistake was not cleaning up the chocolate sauce as well as they thought they did.

“You both better enjoy your pancakes,” Janus drawled, staring at the arc of chocolate sauce decorating the ceiling, “Cause neither of you are getting anything chocolate flavored for the rest of the month.”

“Did he-” Remus began, but Janus was already shaking his head.

“No. Must be asleep.” Janus said, taking his own seat and drinking his coffee.

“He was probably working last night.” Remus said, seeing the disquieted look on Janus's face. “He has to do his job the long way now, it's taking a lot out of him.” 

“The long way?” Virgil repeated. “What do you mean?”

“He’s the memory guy. He manages all of Thomas's memories. But he lost his records when...y’know.” he pushed the mangled remains of his pancake around the plate, suddenly no longer hungry. “He has nothing to cross reference, he’s relying on just his own memory to fill in the gaps.”

“Is that wise?” Janus asked. Remus shrugged.

“He says he doesn't have another option yet.” He said quietly.

“...perhaps we can help him fill in the gaps.” Janus said, reaching over to squeeze Remus’s hand. “We’ll talk about it later when we go see Thomas.”

“Is he going to be awake for that?” Remus asked dubiously.

“Of course he will. He’s Logic. He’s probably never slept through an alarm in his life.” Virgil said, popping some pancakes into his mouth even as he glanced over at the stairs again. “He won't miss a meeting with Thomas.”

* * *

_ “Virgil? What are you doing on the landing-” _

_ “Shh!” Virgil hissed, slapping his hand over Remus’ mouth. “Logic just woke up.” _

_ “He  _ **_what_ ** _?” Remus yelped, his voice muffled by Virgil’s hand. Remus briefly considered licking the hand, but knew from past experience that Virgil couldn't really feel it through the purple tape, and that the tape tasted vile enough to discourage Remus from ever trying again. “Let me go-!” _

_ “Shut up and stop squirming, I want to hear what Janus says to him!” _

_ “Janus? Why do you wanna-” _

_ “SHH!” Virgil snarled, pressing even harder over Remus’s face. “Shut up or we might never figure out what really happened. I just wish we could see…” he grumbled under his breath.  _

_ Well. _

_ Remus had a solution for that. _

_ But did Virgil deserve to know about it? _

_ “Hey, there.” Janus's voice said from the room below, his voice floating faintly up the stairs. “Don't move too fast. Drink this.” _

_ Yeah, Remus was gonna have to risk it. They needed to see. _

_ “...fine.” Remus said, relaxing and tapping twice on Virgil’s arm, their usual signal to let go, which Virgil did out of habit. “I'll be right back, lemme know if he says anything.” _

_ “Where are you going?!” Virgil whispered, trying to grab the back of Remus’s shirt again. “Remus-!” _

_ “Just wait!” Remus hissed back, sprinting to his room. He bounded up the ladder to his loft, searching through the paintings he had stored there. When he found the one he wanted, he tucked it under his arm, forgoing the ladder entirely to get back down. _

_ “What the fuck-” Virgil started to ask when Remus got back, out of breath. “You went to get a picture?” _

_ “Not just any picture.” Remus said, settling next to Virgil at the top of the stairs so they both could see. “Don't tell Janus I have this.” _

_ “What is it?” _

_ “A living painting. Of the living room.” Remus said. “Here. watch.” _

_ Remus nudged the painting towards Virgil. Virgil looked like he wanted to roll his eyes, but they widened instead as he actually took in the painting. It was of the living room, in a more realistic style than Remus usually preferred, in oil paint.  _

_ “What the fuck?” Virgil whispered, his hand hovering over the shifting colors that made Janus's face. “Did you  _ **_make_ ** _ this?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ Remus had discovered, completely by accident, that the malleable dynamic nature of oil paints combined with his own lack of control over his abilities made for paintings that took on the active appearance of whatever setting he had decided to paint. _

_ The process took forever, and the paintings were incredibly delicate, but Remus had managed to make a painting depicting every one of the common spaces within the mindscape. It was one of his most closely guarded secrets.  _

_ He had a lot of those.  _

_ “...okay, I’ll admit, this is pretty fucking impressive.” Virgil whispered, his voice awed. Remus made a mental note to gloat about that at a later date. _

_ “Where am I?” Logic asked after he had drained his second glass of water and made no move to reach for the third. _

_ “The core mindscape.” Janus said, pushing a bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese in front of Logic. “Eat slowly.” _

_ “How long have I been here?” _

_ “‘Bout half a day.” Janus watched as Logic took a few bites of the sandwich, sipping slowly at the soup. “Feeling better?” _

_ “Yes, I suppose I do.”  _

_ “Good, that’s good. One question, though?” _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “What. The absolute fuck. Were you THINKING?!” Janus asked, his voice rising with every word. “DO YOU HAVE ANY  _ **_IDEA_ ** _ HOW  _ **_STUPID_ ** _ THAT WAS?!” _

_ “There is hardly a need to shout, my hearing has not been damaged in any way.” _

_ “YOU COULD HAVE  _ **_DIED_ ** _ , YOU IDIOTIC-!” Janus cut himself off, breathing in through his nose for a minute, and when he spoke again, it was at a normal volume. “What you did was extraordinarily reckless, Logic.” _

_ “I am aware.” _

_ “Oh good, so you know how stupid it was, that makes me feel so much better.” Janus said sarcastically.  _

_ “It...does?” _

_ “NO!” Janus snapped. “You could have  _ **_died_ ** _.” _

_ “That outcome is incredibly unlikely.” Logic said. “You and I both know this.” _

_ “We know nothing of the sort. This type of manifestation is still new, there are  _ **_plenty_ ** _ of unknowns-” _

_ “I made the best possible decision based on the information I had available.” Logic said primly.  _

_ “Please. Enlighten me.” Janus said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “Tell me what factors you observed that could possibly justify-” _

_ “My door is gone.” _

_ Virgil froze next Remus, his body as still as carved marble. “What did you say?” Janus asked in the room below, his voice hushed.  _

_ “My door. Is gone.” Logic repeated. “It no longer exists within the Other mindscape, and I cannot find it. It has ceased to exist.” _

_ “...fuck.” _

_ “My sentiments exactly.” Logic said dryly. “Once I made that discovery, I took refuge in the only place where I knew I would be welcomed.” _

_ “What? Why didn't he come here? Why didn't he call me?” Remus asked, getting to his feet. Virgil dropped the painting and grabbed him, lightning fast. He struggled against Virgil’s grip anew. “Virgil, let me go, I want to talk to him!”  _

_ Virgil wasn't even looking at him. He was staring at the painting on the ground, a thousand yard stare that Remus had never seen on his face before. “Virgil!” _

_ “What?” Virgil said, his voice soft and lost, his grip loosening just enough for Remus to squirm free. “Remus, WAIT!” _

_ Janus’s head whipped around as Remus flew down the stairs. “Remus, you’re supposed to be asleep-!” _

_ “Why didn't you come here?” Remus asked Logic when he reached the bottom, and his voice was thick and his hands were shaking but he had to know. “Why didn't you call me?” _

_ “Remus-” _

_ “Why did you stay out there and nearly kill yourself instead of calling me or coming here?!” Remus said, and he knew he was practically shouting and that his cheeks were starting to get wet but he didn’t care. “Is it so terrible to be here? Have you just been faking liking me this whole time, that you’d rather die in the real world than ask me for help?” _

_ “Remus, you are laboring under a misapprehension.” Logic said, attempting to stand and quickly falling back on the couch. “Remus, could you come here please?” _

_ “Why?” He spat, trying for the indignant stance that Virgil had down to an art, and came up with something that was a lot closer to hugging his arms around himself in a vain attempt to hold himself together. _

_ He had been right, when he had worried about Logic getting tired of him. What he had been wrong about was thinking that it hadn’t already happened. _

_ “Because I cannot go to you.” Logic said, his hand still outstretched. “Please.” _

_ “I don't understand.” Remus said, because that was true, he didn’t understand. He had been trying so hard to be good, to not be annoying, to be focused on the things that interested the both of them. Where had he gone wrong? “Why didn't you come here?” He asked again, and the last thing he wanted was to listen to Logic explain why he didn’t like Remus, but maybe...maybe it was something he could fix? _

_ Maybe then Logic would like him again. _

_ “Because I do not belong here, Remus.” Logic said, and Remus had spent enough time around Logic to hear the little break in his voice when he said the word ‘belong’. “And, evidently, I no longer belong in the other mindscape either. I did not wish to drag the rest of you down with me, least of all you.” Logic looked imploringly up at Remus, sincerity shining from his bright eyes. “I stayed away from you to protect you, Remus, not for any other reason that you have going through your head.” _

_ “I don’t care about being protected.” Remus said wetly, and he lost the battle against diving into Logic’s arms. “If you were all alone, I’d want to be there for you, no matter what.” _

_ Logic’s arms closed around Remus, and their cool weight around his back was all the permission he needed to sob silently into Logic's chest, getting his black polo all wet, but Logic didn’t seem to mind, if the way Logic squeezed tighter every time he moved was any indication. _

_ “I appreciate the assistance you have provided, Self-Preservation.” Remus heard Logic say a while later, when Remus had cried himself out. He was honestly surprised Janus had stuck around once the waterworks started. “I will only impose my presence on you until I regain my strength-” _

_ “No.” Janus said, echoing what Remus was screaming in his head. _

_ “...No?” Logic repeated, and Remus could just picture Logics confused head tilt, right on schedule. “What do you mean, no?” _

_ “No.” Janus repeated, just as firmly as before, and got to his feet, heading to the stairs. “Remus, stay with him until I get back, make sure he doesn't do anything stupid again.”  _

_ And then he disappeared from view, leaving a confused Logic and Remus sitting on the couch. _

_ “It’s a dark day when I'm supposedly the responsible side in the room.” Remus said sleepily after a minute, rubbing his face on Logic’s shirt. Logic merely blinked in response. _

* * *

“What time is it?” 

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Remus, it’s one minute later than the last time you asked.” 

Remus scowled. “Listen, Knock-Out Boy, you don’t even wear a watch. I wasn’t asking  _ you _ .” He snapped petulantly. 

“I’m not wrong though!” Virgil stuck out his tongue. Janus continued to ignore them. Remus pouted, crossing his arms. 

Virgil worried his lip. “...He is late though, right Janus?” He asked after a moment, more subdued than before. 

Janus signed. “Yes technically, Thomas is late. By nine minutes. It’s fine, he is not exactly known for his punctuality.” Janus smiled wryly. 

Virgil snorted, but he was still fidgeting, clenching and unclenching his fists like he wanted to start throwing punches just to take the edge off. 

Remus had to admit, he was feeling pretty restless himself. Logic had helped them all to create the schedule so that they could still talk to Thomas without scaring him every time they popped up. And, yeah, Thomas was not the most punctual of people, but he had been really good about calling them for meetings. It helped that he didn’t have to necessarily get dressed, or leave the house or anything to talk with them. There really wasn’t a good reason why Thomas wouldn’t summon them on time. Unless he forgot. 

Something squirmy made a home in his gut. And not the fun kind of squirmy either. 

He opened his mouth to ask again what time it was, but Janus cut him off. 

“He’s only ten minutes late.” Remus closed his mouth. “Although, I’ll admit, it is unlike him to not at the very least let us know what might be keeping him.” Janus mused, looking mildly concerned.

Virgil was bouncing on his toes. “We should go check, right?” He asked at last, clearly attempting to look casual and missing by a very wide margin. 

Remus nodded frantically in agreement. He knew Virgil was eager to do  _ something _ . Remus didn’t blame him, he was just as eager, the inaction and unknowns of the past ten minutes grating on his brain. 

Remus held his breath as Janus considered. 

“Alright,” Remus cheered under his breath, and Virgil let out a whoosh of air. “I suppose if he’s really in the middle of something else we can always find a time to reconvene later.” Janus shot them both a fond exasperated look. 

The three of them manifested in their usual spots in Thomas’s living room. Except, the living room was not in its usual state. 

Remus looked around in increasing shock. Thomas was sprawled in what looked like an uncomfortable position on the couch, clutching a bag of salt and vinegar chips to his chest. And that was the least of it. 

Bedhead was an understatement, and it looked like he’d blindly picked the first things out of his drawers to wear, fluorescent blue basketball shorts, the pair of knee socks with sparkly shooting stars he’d gotten as a gift, and the gray hoodie with an obvious stain that Thomas had left in the living room two weeks ago and kept forgetting to put in the wash. 

Remus was no stranger to experimenting with fashion statements, but this was a  _ disaster _ . 

“Thomas…?” Virgil said slowly. 

“What are you doing?” Janus asked, warily looking around the mess covering Thomas's living room. It looked like a small tornado had torn through the room. 

“Watching.” Thomas said, pushing another handful of chips into his mouth.

“Thomas, you have plans tomorrow. People are supposed to come over.” Janus said, picking up one of the many empty bags of chips littered around Thomas. “Did you eat everything in your kitchen?”

“Yep. Oh, guess what guys?” Thomas said, scrambling to his feet. “Chocolate chip cookies and guacamole are not good together.”

Both Janus and Virgil gagged, and even Remus felt a little queasy at the thought. 

“Why would you ever-” Virgil began, as Thomas went into the kitchen where the remains of his culinary experiment were still strewn across the countertops.

“Yeah I wanted, like, Oreos right? But I didn’t have any Oreos for tomorrow. I only had chocolate chip, and I was setting out the cookies,” He began setting out two large chocolate chip cookies as he spoke, “Right, and I saw the guac and you guys know how much I  _ love  _ guac.” 

He reached for the tub of slightly browning guacamole, shoveling out a huge dollop of it with a spoon. “So I slapped it in the middle of my cookies and it was…” Thomas trailed off, looking at the guacamole on the spoon and the cookies in front of him consideringly. Then he grinned, slathering the green dip onto the cookie. “You guys, this is gonna be so good-”

“Stop him.” Janus said, but both Virgil and Remus were already moving across the room, Virgil wrestling the ‘food’ out of Thomas's hand while Remus collected all the components and put them far out of Thomas's reach. 

“Hey, I wanted to eat that!” Thomas pouted, pushing Virgil away roughly.

Janus intercepted Thomas's grab for the cookie sandwich, framing Thomas's head with his hands. “Thomas, look at me.” Janus said. Thomas met his eyes silently for a few seconds before dissolving into giggles. 

“What is wrong with him?” Virgil asked, throwing away the oozing ‘sandwich’ with disgust. “Is he high or something?”

“He doesn't seem like he’s drunk, or on drugs.” Janus said, although he didn't look particularly relieved by his words. “You two wouldn't be nearly as coherent if he was.”

“Well, you know what it’s not.” Remus said, tapping his fingers against the cold countertop. “Any ideas what it  _ is _ ?”

“Is he sick?” Virgil asked, moving to touch Thomas's forehead. “It doesn't feel like he has a fever.”

Remus opened his mouth to speculate, then closed it, realizing what was so wrong about the situation, besides everything. 

“Guys.”

“If he were suffering from some sort of physical ailment, I would know. I have no idea what could be causing this.”

“Guys!”

“So what are you saying? That this is some kind of mental thing?” Virgil’s eyes went wide. “Is he finally having that psychotic break he thought he was having when he met us?”

“GUYS!” 

“What, Remus?”

“Where’s Logic?”

“Really,  _ now _ you want to worry about the tardy teacher?” Virgil asked, his voice sharp. “We have an  _ actual issue  _ here, Remus-”

“No, really!” Remus gestured emphatically at Thomas, as if the disaster he had become was easy to miss. “Doesn't Thomas seem a little stupid to you? Distracted, forgetful, like he might be suffering from a  _ lack of logic _ , maybe?”

“Who’s Logic?” Thomas asked, which made the fear in Remus's stomach instantly turn to stone.

“Logic?” He called, barely recognizing the word as it came out of his mouth, his voice was so strangled. Instantly, his head was full of the spikey busy signal that only occurred when the side was with Thomas. 

But  _ they  _ were with Thomas, and Logic was nowhere to be seen. 

“Is he ignoring you?” Virgil asked, incredulous. Remus made another sound like he was dying. 

“Logic.” Janus called sharply. Logic didn’t appear, and Janus got a pained look around his eyes. “LOGIC!” He shouted, and Thomas whimpered pathetically. 

“Remus, you have my permission to open the door to the room Logic is in.” Janus’s voice was tight, shoulders tense. Remus has never seen Janus look so serious, and Janus has had some  _ serious  _ looks. “See if he’s okay, and bring him back with you if he is. Hurry!”

* * *

_ “I do not understand the purpose of this.” _

_ “Fine. you don't have to have the blueberry bed.” Remus said, dismissing the furniture with a wave. “How about this one?” he asked, summoning a new bed with a flourish. _

_ “...why does that bed have a roof?” _

_ “Aesthetic. Do you like it?” Remus asked. “And don't say-” _

_ “That is irrelevant.” _

_ “...That. Do not say that phrase. That phrase is now banned for the day, possibly the whole week.” Remus flopped on his back, staring at the plain ceiling of the spare room that Janus had created for Logic. “If you don't work with me, Logic, I'm going to fill your room with the worst furniture I can imagine, and you don't even know the dark corners of furniture design I am willing to shed light on.” _

_ “This is not my room.” _

_ “It is now, and as much as I  _ **_love_ ** _ unrestrained creative control, some direction would be nice here. I don't really know what you like, unless you want a room shaped like a giant jar of Crofter’s.” Remus blinked. “Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, that could be really  _ **_rad_ ** _ -” _

_ “This is foolish. I had a room, and now I do not. That should not be reason to-” _

_ “Y’know, you are being a lot more ornery than usual. What’s the matter?” _

_ “Nothing.” _

_ “Come on, it's just me. I won't tell anyone you had icky emotions for a hot minute if you want to let off some steam.” _

_ Logic didn’t say anything at all for several minutes. Remus started sketching out some furniture on a corner of his notebook, waiting for Logic to find his words.  _

_ “My room was...very adequate, as it was.” _

_ “Oooh, I get it. You miss it.” Remus said, trying not to show anything but sympathy on his face, turning to a new page in his notebook. “We can recreate it if you want-” _

_ “No.” _

_ “Why not?” _

_ “Because it will...not be the same. It will not have the same...sentiment.” Logic reached over and closed Remus's notebook, making Remus look up. “I cannot go home, but I do not want to just...replace it.” _

_ Remus’s breath caught in his chest at the look on Logic’s face. It was a look he was...all too familiar with, in delirious times after he woke from nightmares, confused and dazed, walking past a mirror and feeling like he wanted to scream. _

_ A look of loss, of realizing that something you wanted so badly was never going to be yours again. _

_ He couldn't stand seeing that look on Logic’s face too. _

_ “Okay.” Remus stood, resolved, as the tips of his fingers itched, potential filling them. “Close your eyes.” _

_ “Remus-” _

_ “Indulge me for a minute?” _

_ “I always do, do I not?” Logic said, closing his eyes just in time to miss Remus’s wide, slightly wet look.  _

_ Remus rubbed at his face. Okay. He held out his hands, framing them across his right eye, looking around the blank room, his gaze catching on the ceiling.  _

_ Maybe... _

_ He had never asked if Logic liked the stars. He had just assumed. Maybe he sensed a fellow stargazer in Logic, someone else who looked at the universe and wanted to know everything about the beautiful expanse of space and all of the wonderful things in it. He breathed out, pulling the images of nebulas and galaxies out of his mind, awash with color and cosmic grandeur, and willing them into the world. _

_ “How’s this?” Remus asked, waving a hand at the newly transformed ceiling. Logic opened his eyes. _

_ The ceiling was now a huge, panoramic living mural of a solar system in flux, populated with planets in incredible spinning configurations, orbiting a bright, blue star that served to light the whole room. The outer edges of the system were full of dazzling technicolor nebulas, ebbing and glowing bright with stars. Every now and then, a comet shot into the scene, hurtling between planets before the gravitational pull sent it back out beyond the edge of the unknown.  _

_ “Remus…” Logic’s voice was hushed. “This is…” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “...good.” He finished, clearing his throat and adjusting his tie. Remus cackled with glee, throwing himself at Logic’s back, hanging off of his shoulders. _

_ “Aw, admit it, you love it.” _

_ “That is...not entirely inaccurate.” _

* * *

Remus had spent a whole afternoon decorating Logic's room with him, filled it with bookshelves and sophisticated, modern furniture and one whole wall that was a whiteboard so Logic could do his work with as much ease as possible. 

It was completely empty and plain now, like Remus had never made any alterations at all, like Logic had never been in there  _ at all _ , even the  _ ceiling  _ had been changed back to normal...

All except for a folded piece of green paper in the middle of the floor.

Remus grabbed the note, and rose up into Thomas's apartment as he tore it open, hands shaking as he read.

_ This was not your fault. _

“Remus?” Virgil said, out of breath as he put the frying pan he had just wrestled out of Thomas's hands away. “What is that? Where’s Logic?”

“Gone.” Remus said, distantly noting that his voice sounded weird, like it was being echoed back at him from somewhere else. 

“What do you mean, gone?”

“He...he just left.” Remus said, his fingers numb as he stared at the note in his hands, his eyes stuck there even as Virgil ripped the note from his grasp. “I don't understand.”

“Remus.”

“Did we do something? Did…” His lip trembled. “Did  _ I _ do something?”

Logic had said it wasn't his fault, but how could it  _ not  _ be his fault? He was the one who spent the most time with Logic, and it wasn't like Virgil or Janus could be  _ more  _ antagonistic to him than before, and they’d actually been kind of nice since they had taken him in, which meant that Remus  _ had  _ to have done  _ something _ , something  _ bad _ , something  _ so bad _ that it made Logic so angry he abandoned  _ Thomas _ , and how could Remus have screwed up  _ that  _ badly-?

“Remus!” Janus said sharply, dragging Remus out of the spiral of his thoughts. He looked up, confused for a moment as to why Janus looked so  _ blurry _ , until he realized it was because he was crying. Janus made a soft noise, and suddenly Remus was in his arms. 

The floodgates opened, and Remus sobbed hysterically into Janus's shoulder, clutching at him desperately, trying to find an anchor in the sea of his emotions. “It’s gonna be okay, Rem.” Janus said, his voice rumbling in his chest as he smoothed a hand over Remus’s hair, rocking him slightly. “We’re gonna find him, and then we are getting him back.  _ Today _ .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter in one week.
> 
> The core sides (and Thomas) search for Logic, and they manage to find (and lose) something important in the process.


	2. Convex Optimization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was wondering what we meant when we said "dark corners of furniture design", here is a picture of what we meant when Remus said "blueberry bed".
> 
> https://www.animicausa.com/shop/feel-seating-system-deluxe-detail
> 
> It comes in both blueberry and cranberry, both are equally horrible, and yet STILL not the worst thing we saw.

“We are?” Virgil asked, surprised. 

“We are?” Remus repeated, wet and hopeful.

“Look at Thomas, Virgil.” Janus said, sharp in a way Virgil was unfamiliar with personally. He didn’t care for it. “We cannot leave him like this, he’ll get himself killed. He needs Logic.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Virgil said, grumbling a bit. He wasn’t an idiot,  _ Janus _ . “I’m just saying, Logic isn't one for just acting without thinking things through, pros and cons and all that. He doesn’t act impulsively. So whatever he did, he was sure it was the right thing to do. Convincing him that he was wrong is not gonna be easy. And that’s  _ if  _ we can figure out where he went.”

“There’s only one place he could go that he could stay in long term.” Janus said, and Virgil’s stomach dropped. Surely Janus wasn’t suggesting that they go  _ there _ . “He has to be in his room.”

The wave of relief made Virgil a little dizzy. So Janus hadn’t totally lost his mind.

Virgil had the sudden horrible thought that if they couldn’t fix Thomas, how long would Janus last? Would he immediately deteriorate like Thomas, or would he have to watch Thomas lose himself to madness and not be able to stop it?

“But...his room is gone. That’s what he said.” Remus said, sniffling.

“No.” Janus corrected, wiping the last of Remus’s tears away. “He said his  _ door  _ was gone.”

“What are you saying?”

“I do not think his room is gone. He is in charge of Thomas's memory, he has to have an access point to that, just as Remus has the door to the imagination and I have…” Janus cut himself off abruptly. “But if it wasn't tethered to either mindscape, then that could explain why he’s suddenly been cut off from Thomas.” he finished.

“That’s a lot of speculation, Janus.” 

“It’s the best we have to go on at the moment. Unless you have a better idea where he went.” Janus said. Virgil crossed his arms, trying to look tough and not like he was hiding.

“I'm just saying we’re guessing! And what are we supposed to do with this information?”

“Not us.” Janus said. “This is all Remus and Thomas now.”

“ _ Me _ ?” Remus squawked. “What am  _ I _ supposed to do with him like this?”

“What you do best, Rem.” Janus said, with that proud dad smile that made Virgil feel like he could take on the world, even if it wasn’t directed at him. “Give him ideas.”

“What is  _ that  _ going to do?”

“Thomas has moments of lucidity, but they're fairly short-lived. If you can get him to think of nothing but Logic, perhaps we can get him to pull us to him during one.”

Remus worried at his lip. “I don't know, Janus.” 

“I know you can do this, Remus. I have faith in you.” Janus said.

“You’ve got this.” Virgil added. “Do you want a boost?”

Remus let out a breath and squared his shoulders. “...No. Save it for Thomas. He might need it.” 

Virgil grit his teeth. He hated feeling so useless, hated that his one special ability was always rejected, for good reason, he knew, but  _ still _ .

Remus approached Thomas and put his hands against his temples. Normally Remus didn’t need to touch Thomas to do his thing; in fact, it was only Virgil’s power that needed physical contact. 

Virgil tried not to read too much into that. 

Not often anyway. 

“Okay. Here we go.” Remus said, closing his eyes. 

Virgil shivered, all the hair on the back of his head standing up straight as a wind none of them could feel started ruffling Remus’s clothes, making his green vest and white shirt flutter around him. 

Then Thomas jerked away, his eyes wide as he touched his own head. 

“What’s happening?”

“Tomathy.” Remus muttered, as he tried to regain his grip. “Thomas, stay  _ still _ .”

Remus tried twice more but Thomas kept squirming away each time, seemingly frightened by what was happening to him in the moment, but forgetting why each time Remus went to try again. 

After the third attempt failed, Remus made an inarticulate sound of frustration and turned to Virgil, the kitchen light shining off the sheen of sweat on his forehead. 

“Virgil, hold him still.” 

_ Finally _ , something for him to do.

“Sorry, Thomas.” Virgil mumbled, moving fast and pinning Thomas’s arms behind his back with one arm, and holding his head steady with the other.

“You might get some of this now.” Remus warned, speaking loud to be heard over Thomas’s struggles and whines. “You’re in contact with him right now, and I-”

“Do whatever you need to do.” Virgil growled. Remus grimaced, putting his hands back on Thomas’s face. 

Virgil grunted, his mind suddenly assaulted with images. 

There was Logic, sitting at their kitchen table, his whole body washed in dark blue while the green figure that could only be Remus dramatically gestured, clearly in the throes of a story.

There was blue Logic again, up before dawn, timing the start of the coffee maker and leaving, so that a golden yellow Janus had a cup of coffee as soon as he woke up.

And a blue Logic intercepting a green Remus while...while a figure that glowed violet laid waste to a punching bag.

Virgil hadn't even known they were there that day, when he just needed some time to work some frustration out on something he couldn't really hurt.

There were indigo Logic’s in dozens of different scenarios, unobtrusively helpful, quietly existing...

In an empty space Virgil hadn’t noticed until Logic so effortlessly filled it.

Thomas jerked in his grasp, a slight whimper escaping him, tears spilling out from under closed eyes. The thoughts fragmented, becoming more abstract, more associations than memories, all underlaid with a churning sense of  _ indigo _ .

Stars, nebulas spinning and crashing into each other.

Blueberry jam, tart and sweet.

Notes in a black notebook, cramped and comprehensive.

“Come on, Thomas.” Remus muttered brokenly, pushing harder into Thomas's mind, and by extension, Virgil’s, his hands sparkling bright green, as the apartment began to fade around them into verdant shades of green. “You need him, we need him, he’s always been there for us, we need him back.”

A subtle little smile, one that just barely lifts the corner of a mouth.

Blue eyes that see and record everything.

A voice that’s cool but never cold, not when you can't take the chill.

Indigo.

_ Indigo _ .

**_Indigo_ ** . 

* * *

Virgil felt the moment Thomas connected with Logic’s room, a loop of tightness circling the four of them and  _ pulling,  _ making them all sink into the ether.

Virgil didn’t know how Logic could stand doing that every time he manifested.

For a moment, they floated, untethered to the mindscape, which was such a weirdly disconcerting feeling that Virgil shuddered with revulsion. Then they rose up, and the air was dry and crisp and absolutely different from everything, from the mindscape, from the other rooms, from Thomas's apartment, that Virgil couldn’t help but choke on his next breath.

He opened his eyes.

The architecture of the room itself was overwhelmingly simple, a featureless white cube that lacked light fixtures, but was still illuminated by a soft directionless white glow. It made Virgil think of the impersonal face of a new phone, without scratches or dents or personality.

But beyond the walls was a font of personality. Mahogany bookshelves lined most of the walls, intricate carvings on their feet and crowns, stuffed full with beautiful leather-spined tomes. The desk was...small, understated, with a contained hodgepodge of papers covered in picture perfect sans serif handwriting. The room itself and its contents clashed horribly, like someone tried to make a writer’s room with only set pieces.

Virgil was reminded of the rooms in important libraries, the climate-controlled ones where people went to read the very delicate books, that sudden and abrupt meeting of modern sterility and ancient texts. Where had he seen that?

_ The Da Vinci Code. The depiction of the Vatican Library. Thomas watched that movie last year with Joan. _

Right. That was it.

Where had that thought even come from?

Virgil frowned, shaking his head. It felt like the thought had pressed into his head, like an overly pushy waiter offering a dessert menu when you had asked for the check, intrusive and unavoidable.

“You okay, Virge?” Remus asked, sounding exhausted. “Any brain damage?”

“No more than usual.” Virgil said. “How about you, trash panda?” He asked, worried. 

“Just tired.” Remus assured him, rubbing his neck with a shaking hand. He looked wrecked, his skin clammy and pale. Janus looked worried too, as he put his hand on Remus’s forehead, checking his eyes. 

“Are you really okay?” Janus asked softly. Remus swallowed, nodding. 

“M’okay, Jan.” Remus said in a tiny voice. “Promise.” 

Janus looked skeptical. “I’ll admit, it took a lot out of me, but we have bigger problems.” Remus said. “You can probably let go of Thomas now, Virge. I think he fell asleep.”

“Huh?” Virgil blinked, craning his head around to look at Thomas's serene face. “The hell?” He mumbled, loosening his grip for a hot second to see if Thomas would keep standing. 

He would not. 

“For fuck’s sake, Thomas.” Virgil muttered, heaving Thomas’s unresisting body into his arms and dropping him unceremoniously on Logic’s bed.

“You two stay here. Make sure Thomas doesn't get into trouble.” Janus said, squeezing both of their shoulders as he passed them. “Do not come after me.”

“Janus-!” Virgil called, fear swooping in his stomach but Janus had already passed through the only door in the room, disappearing from sight. “Goddammit Janus.” He grumbled under his breath. “And he says  _ I _ run into danger, right, Remus?”

Remus didn't answer, which was pretty strange; Remus never passed an opportunity to rag on Virgil. Virgil turned to see why.

Remus was sitting on the bed near Thomas, one knee pulled up to his chest as he looked at Logic’s desk with a dark expression.

“Rem?”

Remus grunted in response. Virgil bit his lip and sat down next to him, a strange reversal of their usual roles.

“What’s up?” Virgil said, pushing his shoulder against Remus’s. “Talk to me.”

“Nothing’s up. I’m fine.” Remus ignored the nudge.

“Remus.”

“This has to be my fault.” Remus snapped, his stoic facade breaking ridiculously fast, turning away from Virgil. “You said it yourself, he would have weighed the pros and cons. And if the pros weren't good enough, it doesn't really matter what the cons are, does it?”

“That doesn't make this your fault, though. Maybe Janus and I should have been as accepting as you and Thomas. Maybe you were great, but he just didn't want to deal with our shit anymore.”

“But you and Janus were getting better! I should have been better, too.”

“How?” Virgil asked, baffled.

“I don't know! Less annoying? Less needy, maybe.” Remus buried his face into his knees, his arms wrapping around his legs. “Maybe he got tired of having to walk me through simple fucking shit all the time, like how not to have a panic attack every time I have a deadline.”

_ Homework in high school. Papers in college. Projects at work.  _

“Shut up.” Virgil said, both to himself and the memories pressing in on his head. “That...you’re wrong.”

“Am I?” Remus said, wiping his hand across his face, as if he could do anything about his streaming eyes and nose. “Go on, tell me how I'm wrong.” He sniffled. “Tell me I wouldn't be easier to deal with if I didn't get butthurt about  _ everything _ . Deadlines, expectations...” He laughed hollowly. “When you guys get fed up with me.” 

“What do you mean?” Virgil said, his blood going cold. “Remus, what do you mean?”

“Nothing. Forget it.” Remus curled tighter into himself.

“No, I'm not going to  _ forget  _ it.” Virgil snapped. “What the hell do you mean?”

“It’s nothing!”

“It clearly isn't nothing!” Virgil said, and a stunning sense of deja vu washed over him. 

_ “…You need to talk to me, tell me what’s going on-” _

_ “It’s fine, Thomas.” _

_ “It’s NOT FINE! This is anything but fine, so just...just talk to me. Please.” _

Had it really only been a week since the aftermath of the debate? Since Thomas had all but demanded that Virgil open up to him, not letting him do what Janus always preferred. Thomas had not let him sweep the problem under the rug, pretend like it wasn’t there like he did with all his other problems and concerns and fears-

Maybe he should try Thomas's tactics. Remus responded better to them anyway.

“Remus-”

“It doesn't matter, because I  _ know  _ I’m being stupid about it. I know I’m being stupid when I get upset when you tease me, or when Janus makes comments about how I can’t do shit without being distracted. I know it’s not because you don't love me, I know that, but it feels like you don't, which is stupid, because you’re like my big brother and Janus has big time dad energy, but if I managed to make Logic leave when I thought he was my  _ best friend _ -”

“Remus.” Virgil said, his heart aching. Remus continued on as if he hadn't heard Virgil at all.

“-Then who’s to say I won’t get annoying enough to make you guys leave too, and then I'll be all alone, or maybe I'll get booted or replaced or maybe Thomas won’t need creativity at all anymore-”

“REMUS!” Virgil shouted, anguished. Remus uncurled and blinked, startling like he had forgotten Virgil was even next to him.

There were so many emotions swirling in Virgil's chest, like a soup pot about to bubble over. He was...devastated that he had caused Remus so much pain. He was jealous; when had he gone from big brother  _ and _ best friend to just big brother? He was scared, because he hadn't even thought about what a disaster it would be to lose both Logic and Remus. What would Thomas do without logic or creativity? 

But more than any of that, he was  _ angry. _ Angry at himself and Janus for being hurtful, angry at Logic for leaving, angry at Remus for not telling him this before and angry at-

He twitched, grasping in his mind for that last thread of emotion. Angry at who? Who else was left?

But it was like searching for a word on the tip of his tongue. It was so, so close, but it felt like there was something in the way, something keeping him from figuring out what he was feeling…

What had he been feeling again? What emotion had he been chasing?

He couldn't remember.

“Thomas will always need creativity.” He said at last, sticking with the things he knew to be true first. “And you didn’t make Logic leave, he likes you. It wasn’t your fault. He even said so.”

“Maybe he didn’t mean it.” Remus couldn’t look Virgil in the face. 

“Have you ever heard Logic say anything he didn’t mean?” Virgil said dryly. “He’s not really one for lying to spare someone’s feelings.”

“That is true.”

* * *

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Virgil shouted, while Remus screamed and jumped about a foot off the bed, as a new voice interrupted the conversation. Thomas jackknifed out of his nap, a wounded sound escaping him. Logic’s eyes immediately went to Thomas, widening in alarm. 

“What is  _ Thomas _ doing here? What are  _ any  _ of you doing here?”

“What are  _ we  _ doing?” Virgil repeated, incredulous, while Thomas somehow got tangled in the blankets and managed to fall off the bed. Virgil ignored him. “You’re the one fucking up Thomas’s brain!”

“What?” Logic said, appalled, dropping the books in his hands and crossing the room briskly. “Thomas, what is troubling you? Lack of sleep? Illness? How did you even get here..?” Logic asked, falling to his knees by Thomas, his hand immediately going to Thomas's forehead.

As soon as Logic touched Thomas's forehead to check for fever, Thomas gasped, the parts of his brain that had been cut off suddenly coming back online. He reached for Logic, holding onto Logic’s arm so hard his knuckles turned white under the strain.

Logic didn't even flinch, even though it must have hurt, only the slightest twitch of his face betraying his concern.

“Where…” Thomas said, still breathing heavily. “Where did you  _ go _ ?”

“What happened?” Logic asked, looking between Virgil and Remus, his eyes just a little wild.

“You ducked out. Flew the coop. Blew the whole popsicle stand sky high.” Remus said, tapping his fingers against the bed. “What do you think the origin to the phrase “blow this popsicle stand” is?” he wondered aloud, almost under his breath, conjuring his notebook to write a little note in it.

“I do not understand, Remus. Please speak plainly.” Logic said, just a touch desperately. Remus didn't seem to hear him, muttering under his breath as he kept writing. “Remus!”

“Thomas stopped feeling your influence at all.” Virgil answered, when it became clear that Remus wasn't going to look up until he was done writing. “It was like he had just turned into an idiot. Well, more of an idiot than usual.”

“Hey.”

“Just a complete buffoon. A cotton headed ninny muggins-” He started to say, then stopped, his senses suddenly going on high alert. 

“OK, WE GET IT, thank you, Virgil.” Thomas was saying, exasperated and embarrassed, but Virgil wasn’t paying attention to that anymore. 

Something...was off. 

Virgil turned to look over his shoulder. There was nothing there, but he could have sworn...

“Sorry.” He said, a beat and a half too late, distracted by the prickling feeling along the back of his neck. He glanced at Remus out of the corner of his eye, wondering if he felt it too…

But no, Remus was looking at Thomas and Logic, his hand tapping a mile a minute against his leg, not paying attention to him at all. Figures. Remus was always the worst at…

At knowing when he was being watched. 

“I apologize Thomas. I did not intend for my actions to cause this outcome.” Logic was saying, when Virgil gave up on looking for whatever was watching them.

“What were you thinking?” Virgil asked, his voice flat as he turned his attention back to Logic. Could Logic feel it? It was faint but he had been in here for almost a day. Surely he would have felt it?

Maybe he was being paranoid. It wouldn't be the first time.

“My reasoning was sound, but I admit that events did not proceed as I had anticipated.” Logic admitted, avoiding all of their eyes. “My goal was for my influence to return to Thomas's subconscious, where I could complete my secondary functions without forcing my presence on you or Thomas. I had not anticipated that my primary function would cease to have any effect on Thomas at all once I entered my room.”

“How did you even get here? Your room isn’t tethered anywhere.” Virgil questioned.

“With great difficulty.” Logic didn’t look at him as he responded. 

“Wait.” Thomas held up his hands. “Back up. What do you mean your reasoning was sound?” His brow furrowed and he crossed his arms. “And what do you mean ‘forcing your presence’?”

“I lost control of myself.” Logic said after a lengthy pause. “I...acted in a way that I should not.”

“You mean after the debate?” Thomas clarified. “That...you had a panic attack, Logic, that’s nothing to be ashamed of-”

“I was not referring to that event alone, Thomas. That was simply the culmination of a series of unbecoming behaviors.” Logic adjusted his tie uncomfortably. 

“What do you mean?”

“...When you called me to help with that project two months ago, the first time you intentionally summoned me, I felt...needed, in a way I had not felt in a long time. I thought, perhaps I could make myself indispensable to you, and to your core sides, that I could continue feeling this way. But I was overzealous in my efforts. I made myself a nuisance, to you, to Self-Preservation, even to you, Instinct.” His mouth twisted into a grimace. “I became obsessed with proving that you needed me, that I let myself be blinded to the problems that I was causing you Thomas.” 

...The thing is, Virgil understood where Logic was coming from here, although he wasn't about to go saying it out loud. From the moment that Thomas opened the door to the mindscape, Virgil had been fighting to be heard. He wasn't Remus, he couldn't give Thomas fantastic ideas for work and for fun. And he wasn't Janus either, with his connection to Thomas that Virgil didn't even understand at times. And Thomas didn't get into enough situations to warrant the use of his fight or flight reflexes.

So he created a space for himself. He helped Thomas overcome his reluctance around cooking, encouraging him to try new things in a way with the lowest possible stakes because…

Because Virgil was afraid that he was unnecessary.

But at least he had a place in the core. How had Logic felt, thinking that he had to be useful or risk losing Thomas?

Virgil couldn't think of anything worse than losing Thomas, except, maybe, knowing that Thomas didn't think he was worth saving.

“My room becoming detached from the other mindscape is proof of how unacceptable this is, and so I have taken the appropriate measures to correct my mistakes.” Logic said, adjusting his glasses after gesturing around the room.

“Jeez Logic it...it sounds like you…” Thomas couldn’t get the words out.

“Like what?” Logic asked, almost daring Thomas to finish the thought. 

“Like you think your room disappearing was a...a punishment or something.”

“I did not think my room disappearing was a punishment, Thomas, I  _ know  _ it to be so. It is an irrefutable fact.” Logic crossed his arms decisively. 

“Virgil said this had never happened before!” Thomas gestured emphatically towards Virgil, eyes locked on Logic, entirely missing Virgil’s flinch. “Who’s to say there isn't another reason?” 

“What other reason is there?” Logic asked. “And Instinct is incorrect. This has happened before.” Virgil’s eyes shot to Logic in alarm. 

No. Not that.

They weren't supposed to talk about that.

“...when you got booted.” Thomas said, sounding hollow. Virgil wished he felt hollow. It would surely be more bearable than the maelstrom of emotions he was currently trying to suppress.

“That is a very quaint way of putting it.” Logic said, adjusting his glasses. “But yes, that is the event I am referring to.”

“I don't understand, what does that have to do with-”

“My expulsion from the core mindscape was a direct result of...a mistake I made.” Logic said, looking like the words pained him to say. Virgil could relate. “I counseled you to make a decision without analyzing all of the relevant factors. And for that, I was punished.”

“What are you talking about, what…what are you doing?”

Logic was walking over to his desk, and like magnets, they all followed after him, even Remus, who finally looked up from his notebook.

Huh. That was weird. 

It wasn't like Remus to tune out so utterly from a conversation.

And he had the strangest feeling that he should be more concerned about that.

Logic plucked a leather bound book from the tiny, sparse shelf above his desk that only had two other books and a small canvas painting of a galaxy.

“You were six.” Logic said, flipping open the book to the middle, and the book must have been opened to that page many times before, the creases on the spine lining up perfectly. “It was the first time you had developed what could be considered romantic feelings, or what you thought were romantic feelings, for someone. A boy in your class.”

“Oh.” A sound of realization. A realization that Virgil desperately did not want to acknowledge.

Logic turned the book towards them, revealing a flowing nebulous text that Virgil couldn’t decipher, that twisted and swirled, reforming in a kaleidoscope of colors to show an image. An image Virgil recognized. His breathing hitched, panic, new and remembered, strangling his voice. 

Young Thomas, complete with chubby cheeks and paint-splattered fingers, approaching another boy with chestnut hair. Presenting a tiny bouquet of wildflowers and weeds, dandelions and clover and a crowning black-eyed Susan that Thomas had been particularly proud of. 

Seeing the boy’s face change, contort. Seeing the smile fall from Thomas’s. 

Logic’s voice was quiet. “I made you tell him. It seemed at the time to be the logical thing to do.” He frowned, grip tightening on the book, unable to meet their eyes. “However-”

“You couldn't have known.” Thomas interrupted. Logic’s gaze snapped to Thomas, eyes blazing. 

“Yes, I could have. I  _ should _ have. That is my function.”

“No!” Thomas’s eyes were glistening, but he met Logic’s glare head on, unwavering. “I was SIX! There was no way we could have predicted what happened, I didn't even know what homophobia was at the time-”

“Because  _ I _ failed you.”

“STOP  _ SAYING  _ THAT!”

Thomas’s voice cracked, as did his composure. He snatched the book out of Logic’s hands, shutting it with a snap, looking like he would like nothing more than to destroy it. Logic stared, hands frozen reaching for the leather bound memory. Virgil could see Logic tensing, bracing for whatever Thomas was going to do next, and knew, no matter what Thomas did, Logic would accept it, wouldn't fight against Thomas.

Even if it killed him to do so. 

Thomas, though, must have also noticed Logic’s distress, because he took a deep breath, gently running a finger down the spine. The tears finally escaped his eyes and dripped down, leaving wet spots on the leather, before Thomas sniffed and wiped them away.

He hesitantly held the book back out to Logic, and Thomas seemed to fold inward at the visceral relief on Logic’s face as the memory was returned to him safely.

Logic caressed the cover and turned, carefully replacing the book on the shelf next to its fellows. Virgil was afraid to imagine what else Logic thought to keep alongside that memory, what he kept here, in his space, instead of filed away in the Library. 

“That is the reality of the situation, no matter how distressing you find that conclusion to be.” Logic said at last. He kept his back to them, his glowing stare fixed on the volumes on the shelf. Thomas was quiet, no doubt overwhelmed, and Virgil couldn’t tell what he was currently feeling, beyond the fact that it hurt. Logic continued in the silence. “I made a mistake, and for it, myself and my room were removed from the equation. Ergo, my unsuccessful attempts to reconnect with you and the core sides must have been another mistake, and so my room is now...removed from your psyche entirely.” 

He finally turned to face them, obvious emotions smoothed out from his face, but Virgil could still see the signs of them in the clenched jaw, the pinched eyes, the tight shoulders.“But, I must have done something wrong, ag-” Logic’s voice cut out. He closed his eyes, and a lightning fast glimpse of heartbreaking pain cracked his mask before it was quickly hidden away again. He soldiered on. “I did something wrong,  _ again _ , as you cannot function without logic.”

Virgil didn't think he had ever felt the depth of the pain on Logic’s face, but he knew the flavor of it all too well.

“Perhaps...perhaps I must be replaced.”

Virgil couldn't help the way he froze, a cold sweat breaking out all over him. They couldn't be talking about this, not this. They were not supposed to talk about that, either.

“Replaced?” Thomas whispered, a little brokenly. “You think you can be  _ replaced _ ?”

“It is just a hypothesis at the moment. I will need to confer with Self-Preservation, as he is the eldest of the sides, he might have more information on the events that led up to the creation of-”

“Do you really think that I would do that?” Thomas said, and Virgil breathed a sigh of relief. Then blinked. What had he been worried about? “That I would just…”

“Thomas?” Logic said, wary. Virgil could see that Thomas's face was turning red, and distantly wondered why he wasn't more concerned about that.

“You cannot be replaced.” Thomas snapped, tears collecting on his eyelashes. “I won't let that happen.”

“I do not understand.” Logic’s voice was quiet, but baffled, like he couldn't understand Thomas's impassioned statement at all. “Why would you not want the most functional version of your intellectual side to exist?”

Wait.

Virgil gasped quietly, finally catching onto the thought he had been chasing. 

Wait, he was supposed to be upset.

He was supposed to be angry, and afraid.

Why wasn't he?

“You already exist.” Thomas was saying, but Virgil could barely pay attention, too focused on the wisps of his emotions, grasping at them like ropes. “You are the only version of you I want.”

“You are allowing your feelings to cloud your judgement.”

“You’re darn right I am.”

Virgil tried to get panicky about losing his emotions, but panic was too far out of his range. So was terror, and anger, and happiness, and sorrow...what was fucking left? 

“I want  _ you _ , Logic. Even if you’ve made mistakes, which I don't actually think are mistakes, just so we’re clear on that, I want  _ you _ , not some hypothetical upgraded version of you.”

“Why?” Logic asked, and the hopelessly confused note in his voice looked like it hurt Thomas to hear, but he stood his ground.

Virgil had to say something. Something was  _ wrong _ .

_ An image of himself, hunched over, trying to sort through his own emotions. A echoing playback of his own thoughts, although some of the words sounded strangely...staticky. _

_...wished he felt  _ **h̵͚̓ o̶̞̓ l̵̠̆ l̵̢̀ ơ̷̢ w̷͇͋** _. It would surely be more  _ **b̶̫̐ ẹ̴ a̴̩͆ r̷̟͠ a̸͙̅ b̸̪͋ l̸̺͂ ẻ̷̖** _ than the maelstrom of  _ **ē̴̟ m̶̦̆ o̵̤̊ t̸̰́ i̷̛̱ ŏ̵͜ n̸̺̑ s̵͍͒** _ ̷͎̿he was currently trying to  _ **s̶̩͑ ǘ̵͕ p̷͉͌ p̸̫͆ r̸͖̋ e̶̜̚ ś̵͜ s̴̖̉** _ … _

“Because I love you.” Thomas was saying, but Virgil was struggling, struggling to pay attention, to hear, to care at all. “I love that you always try to help, and you’re so smart and funny and you care about everyone so much-” He cut himself off, swallowing the sob that was building. “And I would be  _ devastated  _ if you were gone.”

Virgil felt himself on the cusp of feeling something, and tried to repress it, as all of his emotions had left as soon as he felt them. Maybe if he didn't feel whatever was left, he would be allowed to keep it.

He didn't want to be emotionless, and he didn't much care what emotion he would be left with so long as it was  _ something _ . Anything was better than nothing.

But as he opened his eyes, mistakenly thinking that the danger had passed, as the feeling like he was clinging to something being dragged away faded, he saw…

He saw Thomas, his friend, his  _ world _ , holding Logic in his arms like he was afraid he’d disappear if he let go for a second. He saw Logic awkwardly lifting his own arms to return the embrace, looking uncomfortable and unsure for all of ten seconds, before Thomas squeezed him harder and something gave way in Logic's face.

His face smoothed out, a look of peace softening his sharp features as his eyes closed in something like rapture, his arms falling naturally around Thomas as tears that looked strangely dark fell from his eyes.

He looked so happy.

What was that like? Virgil didn't think he had ever felt the depth of what Logic was feeling, certainly not with Thomas.

Because Virgil was supposed to be strong.

Strong people didn't need hugs, even if they wanted them.

Virgil figured out the last emotion he had been clinging to, as it surged within him, filling all the empty spaces that his missing emotions left behind.

It was  _ jealousy _ .

With that realization, Virgil lost his mental grip, and felt himself fall, down, down, down, into the black, emotionless void under him.

And then, suddenly, he didn't feel bad anymore.

Actually, he didn't feel much of anything, really.

Oh well. That was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter in one week. 
> 
> Logic has a plan. Thomas only likes half of it.


	3. Athenaum Maintenance

“Thomas…”

“Save it.” Thomas said, squeezing Logic as tight as he dared. He still wasn’t over the rush of affection he had felt when Logic had melted into his arms, hugging him back with something that felt too close to desperation. 

“You...you really do not wish to replace me.” He said, not like a question, but like he had to say the words himself to confirm his own suspicions. 

“Never. I don't want to replace you, or anyone, ever.” Thomas assured him. “You have to come back.”

“The core sides will not approve of this.” He said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “Self-Preservation and Instinct never wanted me to-”

“They came to get you.”

“Because you were suffering.”

“And what about Remus? Remus was really upset when he realized you were gone, right Remus?”

There was no response.

“Remus?” Thomas let go of Logic reluctantly, as he suddenly realized how absent his core sides had been from the conversation. 

“Guys?” he said, looking over his shoulder. Virgil had wandered off into the corner, looking at all of Logic’s books, while Remus had taken the desk, sitting himself at it and scribbling quickly into his battered green notebook. “Remus, back me up here?”

“Thomas, something is wrong.” Logic said, as Remus didn't even twitch at the sound of Thomas's voice. “Remus?” he said, crossing to the desk, Thomas following right behind him. Remus paid him no heed. “Remus!” Logic repeated, louder, his hand on Remus’s shoulder. Nothing.

“Can he hear us?” Thomas asked, snapping his fingers in front of Remus’s face, to no effect. He looked over Remus’s shoulder, trying to see what he was writing, but Remus’s handwriting was so hurried and frantic and all over the place that Thomas couldn’t begin to decipher it.

“I don’t think he can.” Logic said, his hands darting with clinical precision as he felt Remus's forehead, checked his pulse, and tried to get a look at his eyes despite Remus refusing to look at him. “Oh, _fuck_.” he said at last, his voice faint.

“What?!” Thomas yelped, half out of surprise, hearing Logic curse, and half out of growing terror.

“Look.” Logic said, tilting Remus’s head slightly so the desk light illuminated…

Thomas bit back a scream.

Dark blue lines like circuit boards were spreading from Remus’s ears, moving slowly across the skin of his face and neck. Thomas reached out to touch one, and found it almost icy as it pulsed bright blue, and spread another centimeter inwards.

“What is this?” Thomas whispered, horrified. “What’s happening?”

“I cannot say for sure, Thomas. I have never seen this happen to anyone else before.” Logic said, and his usual monotone was faster and more panicked than Thomas had ever heard before. His fingers were restlessly tracing the longest stretch of circuits on Remus’s neck, like he hoped they would rub off with enough pressure. “I can only theorize that because my room is untethered, the energy in it is...unstable. I am fine, as this is my domain but…” He swallowed. “They are being corrupted. We have to get them out of here.”

“How?” Thomas asked. “You don’t have a door. I barely remember how we got here.”

“We will find a way.” Logic said resolutely, like he was stating an unquestionable fact. It was extremely comforting. “Where is Janus? Is he back in the mindscape?”

“H-he went in there to look for you.” Thomas said, pointing to the only door in the room. “You didn't see him?”

“He went into the Library alone?!” Logic said, his eyes wide, the lights in his eyes whirring frantically. “Why did you not say so earlier?”

“I had other things to deal with, like _you_ , for example!” Thomas squawked defensively. “Is he in trouble?”

“It may take me some time to locate him, the Library can be difficult to navigate even for me on occasion. To someone who has never seen it...it may as well be a labyrinth.” Logic absently ran his fingers through Remus’s hair, smoothing his bangs out of his eyes, and Thomas would have found that unbearably adorable if he wasn't freaking out. “Stay here with them. Try not to panic.”

“Logic!” The side paused at the door. “Please be careful.”

“You need not worry for my safety, Thomas.” Logic said. “The Library holds no danger for me at this time.” He opened the door and a rush of cool air poured out into his room. “Try to keep them present, if you can.” He said as he disappeared from view.

“How am I supposed to do that?” Thomas asked the empty room. “Remus can’t hear me and Virgil-” Thomas looked around. “Virgil!”

“Yeah, Thomas?” Virgil said, his back to Thomas as he stroked his finger over the spines of Logic’s books. “This place is kinda nice, you know? I can see why Logic wanted to come back here so bad.”

“Virgil, didn't you hear? We have to _go_ , Logic’s room is…” Thomas balked, his blood freezing in his veins as Virgil turned to face him. 

“What?” Virgil said, cocking his head to one side, making the blue circuits crawling up his neck stand out in sharp relief. “What’s wrong, Thomas? You seem upset.” He said, his face slack and his eyes dull.

Thomas had never wanted to scream so badly in his life.

“Jeez, just, just come over here, okay? Come sit by Remus.” He said instead, shuddering at the way Virgil let himself be led pliantly over to the desk, the peaceful blank look on his face so out of place on someone as fiery as Virgil. “Logic, do you have Janus?” Thomas called out, unconcerned that his voice broke halfway through.

“I like Logic.” Virgil said, unprompted, sitting in the chair next to Logic’s desk. Thomas had just enough time to feel deeply disturbed by the sight of _Virgil_ sitting _normally_ in a _chair_ before he spoke again. “I missed him, I think.”

“Yeah, but we’re gonna bring him home, right now, just as soon as he finds-”

“I told you that he manifested around the time I did, right?” Virgil’s eyes were unfocused, getting foggier with every minute. “I always thought we were supposed to be like brothers. He was the brains, I was the brawn. But then he was gone for such a long time. And he changed so much, but he’s still the same, y'know? Not like what happened to…”

“What? Who?” Thomas asked, but Virgil was staring right past him, “Virgil?!” 

“Janus doesn't like to talk about what happened. And Remus…Remus wasn't Remus at the time.” His voice was so empty, monotone, but not like Logic’s voice. When Logic spoke, you could hear the inflection breaking through, the little scraps of emotion trying desperately to get out. But there wasn't any emotion behind Virgil’s voice, just a void of feeling. “I don't have anyone to talk to about what happened.”

“About _what_ , what are you talking about?” Thomas asked, his heart in his throat.

“I don't usually think about it, except for all the times when I can't stop thinking about it. One second his eyes were brown, and then…”

“Then?”

“Then they were blue. Scary bright blue.” Thomas felt his stomach drop to somewhere around his feet. “I think he felt it, because he grabbed his chest. Fell to his knees. He couldn't breathe right. Then…” Virgil stopped, his voice growing shaky, before the blue lines cutting into his skin pulsed, extending another inch up his neck, and his voice evened out once more. 

“Then he said he was sorry. He said, ‘I’m sorry, I won't do it again, don't make me go...’ and then he was gone.” His gaze met Thomas's, and his eyes went shiny for just a second before the circuits pulsed and crawled again. 

“I have never been able to forget the look on his face. He was so scared. But I couldn't tell Janus that. I’m supposed to be the brave one, and if I tell him I'm scared, he might tell the subconscious, and then I'll get booted, too. Remus and I are always so scared of being booted and replaced but we can't talk to Janus.”

“Why are you telling me then?”

“‘Cause you’ll come back for us anyway.” Virgil said blandly, as casually as he would remark upon the weather. “You’re the boss, and you don't care if we’re broken or if we make mistakes or if the subconscious takes our rooms and boots us. You like us anyway.”

“I do.” Thomas choked out, tears welling up in his eyes. “I love you guys.” 

“That’s nice.” Virgil sighed. Thomas bit back another sob. He couldn't do this anymore.

Logic said that the Library was a maze even he had trouble navigating, but it was technically Thomas's head. Maybe he could do more to help get them all out if he helped Logic find Janus.

Maybe asking Virgil to talk about things that made him feel only made him worse.

Maybe Thomas couldn't stand being so helpless.

“Stay here with Remus.” Thomas said to Virgil, who simply smiled at him.

“Okay, Thomas.” Virgil said placidly. “You’re the boss.”

Thomas ran one last fleeting touch over Remus and Virgil’s shoulders before turning to the door to the Library.

* * *

The Library was _immense_.

Thomas felt his mouth drop open as he stared all around him. The Library was made of a series of descending circular platforms, which rotated slowly as Thomas watched. The platforms were packed full of rings and rings of bookshelves, each orbiting a pillar of light that pulsed intermittently. Everything was designed in sleek white lines, but as Thomas descended into the Library proper, he could see that the books themselves were eclectic, everything from to leather bound works of art to paperbacks and hardcover books.

“LOGIC? JANUS?” Thomas called into the Library. His voice echoed strangely in the space. “CAN YOU HEAR ME?”

“Thomas?” Logic’s voice answered from seemingly everywhere. “I told you to stay with the others!”

“They’re getting worse!” Thomas shouted, descending the stairs to the main floor of the Library. “We gotta go, where are you?”

“Three platforms down, then move towards the center ring past another nine shelves.”

“Do you have Janus?” Thomas yelled, running down the aisles, counting them under his breath. “One, two, three…”

“I have located him, but I am experiencing some difficulties. I require your assistance.”

“Four, five, six...wait, what?” Thomas broke out into an all out sprint, letting the shelves fly by him. “Is he alright?”

“He is in the midst of an anxiety attack. He has become non-responsive, but I believe he will respond favorably to you.” Logic’s voice was getting closer and closer until Thomas skidded to a halt, nearly falling over as they came into view. Janus was seated with his back against the end of a shelf, his face hidden in his knees, curled into a ball. Logic, who was kneeling beside him, shuffled away from Janus, but kept one hand on his back. “Help him.” Logic said, his face betraying the same feeling of helplessness that was threatening to swallow Thomas whole. 

Thomas tried to breathe normally past the lump of panic in his own throat, dropping to his knees by Janus's shaking body. “Janus, can you hear me?”

There was a muffled whimper, and Janus flinched violently when Thomas put an arm around his shoulders. “Janus, can you look at me?” Thomas said, letting his hand run against Janus’s shoulder. “Come on, buddy, please?”

“You have to calm him down, he is in danger of hyperventilating.” Logic said solemnly. “Thomas, he _cannot_ lose consciousness in here, the consequences of that could be...catastrophic.”

“Why?”

“Trust me, I speak from experience.” Logic said, which didn’t make Thomas feel better at all, and formed a hundred more questions in his head, but…

Priorities.

“Okay. Okay.” Thomas said, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. “Janus, buddy, you gotta breathe, okay?” He took one of Janus’s hands, uncurling his fingers so he could hold it tightly, pressing his chest against Janus's side. “Come on Janus, just like you had me do. Deep breath, in through your nose.” He took a deep breath of his own, letting his expanding chest press up against Janus, squeezing his hand in time. “Come on, let me take care of you for once. Breathe in.”

“Thomas-” Logic’s fingers tensed, then relaxed on Janus’s shoulder, but Thomas kept his focus on Janus. 

“Janus.” Thomas said, and there was something bubbling in his chest, something warm, something powerful, and Thomas didn't even think before he pulled on that power, letting it travel up his chest and into his throat, coating his voice. “ **_Breathe. In._ **”

Janus inhaled sharply, his chest expanding wide. Beside him, Logic gasped.

“ **_Hold it._ **” Thomas said, and his voice didn't sound any different than usual, but it vibrated in the air, an echo without the playback. Janus’s shoulders still shook, but it was clear he was holding his breath at Thomas's command.

“Now **_breathe out slow_ ** **.** ”

“Thomas…” Logic said, and his voice shook, part fear and part something else...something more like...wonder.

“ **_Keep doing that_ ** **.** ” Thomas told Janus, his words still reverberating weirdly. He cleared his throat. “What’s up, Logic?” He asked, grateful that it came out normal this time.

“...That was very...impressive, Thomas.” Logic said, his voice faint and his eyes wide.

“What do you mean?” Thomas looked at Logic, concerned at the extreme reaction. 

“You...commanded him.” Logic said. “I felt it, even if it was not directed at me.”

“What?” Thomas tensed against Janus, matching Logic’s wide eyes. “That’s...that’s awful. I don't want to control you guys.”

“You have just demonstrated a way that this new ability can be used for good.” Logic reminded him. “But I understand your concern. It is...uncomfortable, to be stripped of your will.” 

“How do you know that?” Thomas couldn't help but ask, although he suspected that the answer was only going to upset him. “How do you know what that feels like?”

“This is not about me-”

“Did I do that to you?”

“No Thomas.” Logic assured him. “In a strange way, I did it to myself.”

“How? Explain, please.”

“...Belief has a strange power in the mindscape. It can be used to create, as we do every time we summon something. We believe, and it becomes real.” Logic looked uneasy. “When you first summoned me, Thomas, and Self-Preservation made it clear that I would only be allowed to stay if I followed the rules…” He took a shuddering breath. “I wanted so badly to stay, Thomas. And I believed that I would be allowed to stay if I followed the rules. But…” 

He shook his head. “Evidence quickly showed that my belief caused me to internalize rules made by you and Self-Preservation to the point where I could not physically go against them.”

Thomas must have made a sound, something dismayed and hurt, no doubt, because Logic quickly added. “But you are a good person, Thomas. I have no doubt that you will use this new power responsibly.”

And honestly? That didn't help _at all._

“...You guys put a stupid amount of faith in me, you know that?” Thomas said thickly. He took a couple of deep breaths, and made sure he couldn't feel the power at all before opening his mouth to speak. “Janus? Will you look at me now, please?”

He did, even without Thomas’s newfound power, but Thomas still regretted asking him the instant he saw his face.

“Oh, God.” 

The lower half of Janus's face was a mess of circuits, originating from somewhere around his throat and crawling upwards. They had already reached Janus's mouth, and, judging by the tension in his jaw, had sealed his lips together.

“Is there anything we can do for him? To stop it or make it go away?” Thomas asked Logic. “Can I tell it to stop?”

“I do not believe that will work. Likely you will merely compel Janus to attempt to speak through it, which will no doubt cause him pain.” Logic’s head tilted, and a new, unfamiliar glint entered his eyes. “However…”

“What? However what?” Thomas asked, eager for anything that resembled a solution. 

“I...may have something.” He said, his voice distracted as he got to his feet, finally releasing his grip on Janus’s shoulder. “It is not an ideal solution, as that would be reversing the process entirely, but I might be able to give him a…”

“A what?”

“A voice. Or as close to one as we can get.” Logic took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “Please stay still, I am going to rearrange the Library.”

“You’re going to what?”

Logic ignored him, his hands hovering in front of him as he breathed out slowly, the air around him suddenly becoming charged.

Thomas yelped as the ground beneath him began to shake, vibrating like a computer booting up. The books on the shelves began to glow, with the same light that shone from Logic’s eyes. Thomas looked at Logic in slightly terrified awe, as Logic’s eyes became engulfed in blue light. He started muttering under his breath, and then his hand twitched, a dismissive little flick of the wrist.

A book vanished from the shelf next to Thomas, replaced immediately by one made of indigo light. Another twitch, and another book vanished. On and on, as Logic systematically dismissed nearly half the books on the shelves, replacing them with new glowing ones.

Thomas looked at Janus out of the corner of his eye. Janus was staring at Logic like he had never seen anything like him before, his eyes wide. Thomas was sure if his mouth had not been sealed shut, it would be hanging open, just like Thomas's.

After about a minute, the floor stopped shaking, and the summoned books stopped glowing, becoming solid as the light faded. Logic’s arms lowered, and his eyes went back to normal.

“I apologize if that was disconcerting.” Logic said, as he began pulling seemingly random books off the shelves, flipping through them rapidly. “It was more efficient to bring the necessary memories here than it would be to go to their proper place.”

“...that was amazing, Logic.” Thomas breathed. “And you can just put them back?”

“I can, but I will not. The Library does not appreciate it when I exercise that particular ability, so I endeavour to shelve the memories by hand whenever I can.” Logic said absently, closing one book and moving to the next. Thomas abruptly noticed that with each book Logic read, sparks started spilling from his fingertips, surrounding his hands and growing in number, until by the sixth book, his hands looked like live wires.

“Alright. I am ready.” Logic said, closing the last book and replacing it on the shelf. He folded back to his knees beside Janus. “With your permission, Self-Preservation, I would like to use my ability on you. Do you remember what I can do?” 

Janus nodded. 

“I don't. What are you talking about?” Thomas said, more than a little desperate. 

“I possess an ability to impart a large quantity of information into someone with just a touch.” Logic said, holding up his hand and showing Thomas the blue sparks emanating from his fingertips. “Instinct used to call it the infodump. With it, I can give Janus everything I know about American Sign Language.” He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes flashing. “Unfortunately, neither you nor I are fluent in sign language, so there might be a chance he will not have the ability to properly articulate…” 

He trailed off as Janus took his hands, placing them on either side of his head and holding them there, looking up at Logic with a desperate look on his face.

“Alright.” Logic said, adjusting his hands so that his pointer and middle fingers were centered on Janus’s temples. “Keep breathing like Thomas said. This should only take a moment.”

He closed his eyes, breathing out in a slow steady measure. Janus’s hands went tight around Logic’s wrists, his whole body clenching up as the sparks travelled from Logic’s fingertips into Janus himself, making his eyes glow the same shade of blue as Logic’s did. After a few seconds, when all of the sparks had made their home in Janus’s eyes, Logic let go, his hands trembling slightly.

“Did it work?” Thomas asked nervously. Janus nodded, the glow in his eyes fading as he touched his chin with an open hand, before making a motion like he was blowing a kiss.

“He said, thank you.” Logic translated. “You are welcome.” Logic adjusted his glasses, looking at Thomas out of the corner of his eye. “I am sorry, Thomas, but my ability needs some time to recharge, or I would offer-”

“It’s fine. I’m not letting either of you out of my sight anyway.” Thomas said, getting to his feet and offering them each a hand up. “Logic, you know the way out of here, right?”

“Yes.” Logic stood, turning in place once before walking down an aisle with purpose. “Follow me.”

* * *

The Library itself seemed to warp around Logic as he led them back to the entrance, the rotating platforms slowing down or speeding up to make it so Logic never had to hesitate. The journey that had taken Thomas several minutes took way less time with Logic in the lead.

“I feel I must warn you, Self-Preservation.” Logic said as they began climbing the last flight of stairs, the door to Logic’s room just ahead of them. “The corruption that has affected you has also affected Remus and Instinct, but in...a different capacity.”

Janus went pale, and signed quickly. “What I mean is that...this could be disturbing for you. But I believe that they will recover once they leave this place.” He opened the door to his room. “Please try not to panic.”

Janus darted past Logic as soon as the door was wide enough, Logic and Thomas following soon after. Virgil, who had not moved from his spot, looked over at their arrival.

“What’s wrong, Janus?” Virgil said, his voice airy and dreamy. “You look upset.” Janus’s face went from terrified to _devastated_ , his hands cupping Virgil's cheeks as his eyes searched his face. Virgil watched, utterly docile, as Janus followed the blue lines down his neck and chest, pulling the collar of his shirt down to expose the conflux of circuits residing over his heart. “Oh, you don't want to talk right now? That's fine.” Virgil said, patting the back of Janus's shaking hands. “Remus doesn't want to talk either. He seems really busy right now.”

Janus’s attention immediately shifted to Remus, who was writing so quickly the pen was tearing through the last few pages of his notebook. Snarling, Remus threw his beloved notebook aside, conjuring a sharpie and stalking across the room to the first available patch of blank wall. Janus followed him, trying to grab at Remus’s clothes and hold him back, and ended up being dragged across the room instead. He shook Remus's shoulder, even going so far as to try to turn Remus's face away from the wall, but Remus's glazed, manic eyes refused to leave his work, the paths of the circuits cutting across the swell of his cheekbones, pulsing intermittently and inching closer and closer to his eyes. 

Janus turned his agonized gaze to Thomas and Logic, his eyes begging them for answers as his hands flew.

“They will be fine.” Logic said immediately. Janus’s breath sped up, his hands moving faster. “JANUS!” Logic said sharply, grabbing Janus’s hands, stilling their frantic signing. “They will both be _fine_ as long as you get out. Now help Thomas get them back to the mindscape. You are the only one who can guide him back there.”

“What do you mean ‘them’?” Thomas asked warily, crossing his arms. “You’re coming with us, too.” 

“Thomas…” Logic said, huffing a little. “I have already explained my theories-”

“Yeah, I remember your theories, let’s ask Janus about your _theories_.” Thomas snapped, spitting the word out like it was rancid. “Logic thinks if he stays in here long enough, that he’ll get replaced, because he thinks he's done something that deserves to be punished. What do you think about that, Janus?”

Janus’s eyes went wide, and he pinched his fingers together several times, shaking his head. Logic’s jaw tightened.

“You don't know that, Self-Preservation. Perhaps the process requires more time, it does not make sense to bring me back without gathering more data-”

“What if leaving here doesn't fix them? What if once I leave I lose the connection with you again?” Thomas softened his tone, letting all his emotions play out on his face. “You have to come with us. Please.”

“Thomas, I really think it is in the best interest of everyone if I stay…”

Janus grabbed Logic’s hand, pulling him over to Remus, making him grip onto Remus’s shoulder. “What are you doing?” Logic asked, but he didn't move from where Janus placed him. Janus went and grabbed both Virgil and Thomas, pulling them to the same spot. Virgil let himself be dragged effortlessly, but Thomas nearly tripped as he was yanked across the room.

“What are you doing, Self-Preservation?” Logic asked again, watching as Janus linked Virgil and Thomas's hands together, before turning to Logic.

He pointed at himself, then made a quick sign by his ear before holding his hand to his chin, extending both his thumb and his pinkie out as far as they could go.

“Logic?” Thomas said when the side in question seemed frozen. “What is he saying?”

“He…” Logic swallowed tightly. “He said, I was wrong.”

Janus nodded. He pointed at Thomas, at Virgil and Remus, and made a swirling gesture that encompassed all of them, all while pointing emphatically at the ground with one finger and then at Logic.

“Thomas needs you. They need you. We all need you.” Logic seemed to translate the words without quite processing them, eyes locked onto Janus.

Janus made a fist, extending his thumb straight up as he cupped his hand underneath, moving it from one side of his body to the other. He gestured to all of them, then covered his mouth, flicking the hand to his side and making a thumbs up.

“Help us be better.”

Janus hesitated, then reached forward, covering Logic’s mouth for a bare second before signing very quickly, too fast for Thomas to process.

Logic didn't translate that part, but whatever Janus said seemed to rattle him. Janus held his hand out to Logic, reaching for Thomas with the other.

“Please, Logic.” Thomas said, gripping Janus's hand tightly. “Come home.”

“...Very well.” Logic said at last, and Thomas's legs almost buckled in relief. “Thomas, you will have to take us back to the core mindscape rather than to your apartment.”

“I’ve never been to the core mindscape.” Thomas said, a little worriedly. “Can’t I bring you to the mind palace? I know where that is-”

“No Thomas. They cannot get better in the mind palace, it is too neutral. I fear that the corruption will not abate until they are back where they belong.”

Janus made a sharp gesture. “Apologies. Back where _we_ belong.” Logic corrected himself.

“How do _you_ go to the core mindscape?” Thomas asked. Logic stopped to think.

“I…” He looked at Remus. “I think of warmth. The core mindscape is much warmer than what I am used to. And I think of...color, and light. And I think of them. Of your core sides.” He drew in a deep shuddering breath. “And I think of how I remember it being before.”

Thomas closed his suddenly watering eyes, trying to picture what Logic described. Warmth, and color and light. The place where Remus, Virgil, and Janus lived, where they laughed and watched over Thomas and were a family…

A family that now included Logic.

He breathed in, letting the imagined warmth fill his whole body, especially the places where he held onto his sides, and _pulled_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue in one week, as everything returns to its proper place.
> 
> (Well...mostly everything.)
> 
> After the epilogue, we will be taking a one month hiatus to catch up on real life and finish up Arc 2, and will return the first Saturday in October.


	4. Defrag Complete

The landing was rough.

Logic attempted to stabilize Remus as they appeared in the mindscape, but seemed disoriented by appearing instead of rising up, and ended up leaning on a wall to support himself and Remus, sliding down to sit a moment later.

Thomas fared even worse, squeaking as he fell over, followed by a loud exhale of air as Virgil fell on top of him. 

Only Janus managed to land on his feet, but he went to his knees voluntarily, wanting to be closer to his boys. 

“Did I do it?” Thomas grunted, rolling Virgil off of him as gently as he could. 

“Yes.” Logic said, looking around. “We seem to be on the second floor of the core mindscape. I-” 

Janus snapped his fingers impatiently to get Logic’s attention, pointing at Remus, who was sprawled across Logic, completely passed out.

_ Is it working? _ He signed.  _ Are they better? _

“Yes.” Logic said, although he wasn't looking at Remus, and how did he know if he wasn't looking?

_ Check him! _

“I do not need to check him, Self-Preservation, I can see it on your face.” Logic said, pointing to a spot on Janus's face. “The effects are diminishing, but slowly.” He said at Janus's insistent look. “I assume the corruption began at your vocal chords, is that correct?”

Janus nodded. “Then you will likely be able to move your mouth before you will be able to speak.” Logic said, adjusting Remus into a more comfortable position, his back against the wall and his head resting on Logic’s shoulder.“Thankfully we have a visual indicator here, so I am going to strongly insist that you do not attempt to talk before we tell you that the circuits are gone.”

“What about them?” Thomas asked, as if he could read Janus's mind. “What should we do for them?”

“Well, Remus seemed to have completely lost his hearing in the last stages of corruption, trapping him inside his own thought spirals. And Instinct was...functional, but lacked the capacity for emotion, for some bizarre reason. I suspect that we should see results of them coming back to normal very soon.”

“Is there anything we can do?”

“See if you can try coaxing some emotional responses from Instinct. I will see what I can do for Remus.” Logic instructed. Janus grabbed Logic’s hand, quickly signing.

_ What can I do? _

“...I do not know.” Logic admitted. Janus made a frustrated gesture in response.

_ I want to help. _

“Can you…” Logic hesitated. “Do you remember the events that preceded the beginnings of corruption? What were you thinking of?” Logic looked apprehensive, as if he were afraid of the possible answers. “Knowing the factors that caused this could help us alleviate the effects.”

Janus wracked his brain. He had been searching through the stacks, calling for Logic. He had been worried about Thomas, worried about Remus, and…

_ I was looking for you. Got lost.  _ Janus signed.  _ I… _

Janus huffed a breath, trying to find what he needed in the new knowledge he had. The infodump had left him with a strange, staticky feeling in the back of his mind whenever he thought of saying anything in sign language. He wondered if it would ever fade, or if he would just have this sparking wealth of knowledge in his head for the rest of his life.

_ I was trying to figure out why you left.  _ He signed at last. Logic’s jaw tensed.

“I expected Remus to blame himself.” Logic said, tightening his arms around Remus as he spoke. “Should I have left you a note as well?” 

Janus shook his head.  _ Not now. Then. _

Logic’s face went blank.

“You know why.” Logic said curtly. “You know better than anyone.”

_ No.  _ Janus pinched his fingers together emphatically.  _ I thought… _ he waved his hand in a circle.  _ I thought there was another reason. _

“Another reason?” Logic repeated, careful to keep his voice quiet, which Janus was eternally grateful for. “What do you mean?”

_ I thought It knew something I did not. I’m sorry. _

“...Jan?”

Janus’s heart leapt into his throat. Logic, who had opened his mouth to say something, closed it quietly. Janus opened his arms after signing to Logic.

_ Can I hold him? Please? _

“Of course.” Logic said, passing the unresisting Remus to Janus. “I should check on Thomas and Instinct.”

Janus grabbed his sleeve with his free hand, and hesitated, scowling as he tried to figure out how to sign without letting go of Remus…

Wait.

He could scowl.

He could move his lips!

Janus’s hand pointed at his mouth, working numb lips open and inhaling deeply through his mouth, relishing the feeling of air. Logic’s eyes went to Janus's throat.

“You still show signs of corruption, I would still advise you not to attempt to speak-”

Janus shook his head, mouthing his next sentence slowly and clearly.

_ He needs both of us here. Don't go yet. _

“Jan?” Remus mumbled. “Logic?”

“We are here, Remus.” Logic said relaxing back down next to Janus, while Janus held Remus tight, and pressed his lips against Remus’s head. “Can you hear me? How do you feel?”

“What happened?” Remus unconsciously snuggled deeper into Janus’s arms, eyes still half-lidded. “Why do you sound so far away?”

Logic gave Remus a very condensed version of what happened to them, speaking directly into his ear to be heard without shouting, while Janus looked across the hall to where Thomas and Virgil were huddled together. Whatever Thomas had been doing seemed to be working, as Virgil looked more subdued than he usually did, but was much more animated than he had been just a few minutes before.

They were safe. They were coming back to themselves. They’d be okay.

And all of a sudden, everything was too much. Janus felt something almost like relief welling up in his chest, but he didn’t have the energy left to hold it in. And after today, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Janus?” Remus looked up very suddenly, sounding panicked. “Janus?!” Remus’s cry caught Virgil’s attention, muted alarm crossing his face.

“What? What’s wrong?” Virgil asked, as he and Thomas scrambled to where the others were sitting. “Is he hurt?”

“He’s…” Remus said, disbelieving. “He’s crying, Virge.”

“Fuck.” Virgil’s hands were suddenly on Janus's face. “Janus, are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Janus shook his head, but made no move to hide the tears, sobs escaping him. He reached up and gripped tightly onto Virgil’s wrist, the other still clutching Remus. Remus twisted in his hold and wrapped his arms around Janus’s waist, burying his face in his chest. 

Thomas settled next to Janus with a sudden look of understanding, rubbing a gentle hand along his back. Janus hiccuped, trying to take deep breaths, recalling the pattern from before in the Library. Logic shifted away, trying to give him space, clearly uncomfortable with the blatant display of emotions. Janus didn’t quite know how to explain that he  _ absolutely _ needed Logic to  _ stay,  _ to be okay too, and he didn’t have enough  _ hands  _ to hold onto all of them. And that was too much too, and he lost the count, the tears spilling over. 

“Janus…” Virgil said softly, as Remus hid a sniffle of his own in Janus’s sweater. Thomas just hummed an aimless tune, continuing to rub circles on Janus’s back. And Virgil was still too far away, he had almost lost him entirely, had almost lost  _ both  _ of them, and Janus tugged on Virgil’s wrist with an inarticulate sound.

Virgil leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Janus’s, closing his eyes, and Janus finally felt like he could breathe. 

And he could. Virgil stayed pressed close against him, Remus curled in his lap, Thomas warm at his side, and the tears slowed, the sobs petering out. Janus took a deep breath, and he felt it all the way down, felt something loosen in his chest.

Virgil gently drew away as Janus calmed, and Janus opened his eyes to see his boys, whole and safe in front of him. Remus uncurled, loosening his grip on Janus and rubbing at his own eyes. The circuit corruption was almost completely faded from Remus, just a faint shadow around his ears, and he couldn’t see any remnants left on Virgil’s visible skin.

That meant he might be able to finally... 

He took another deep breath, holding it in, before letting it out in a controlled rush.

“Virgil, Remus? How do you feel now?” Janus croaked, his voice as rough as sandpaper.

“We’re fine, Janus, we’re more worried about you-” Virgil tried to brush off his own emotions, pushing them away, and Janus couldn’t stand the thought of that, not now.

“Don't. Please.” Janus begged. “How do you feel, really?”

“...still a little numb around the edges of things.” Virgil said, and Janus never thought he’d be so relieved to hear Virgil sound a little annoyed, and yet here they were. “But it’s getting better.”

“Lucky bastard. I would  _ kill  _ to be numb right now, my head is gonna split open in a second,  _ ow _ . And my hand is  _ killing  _ me.” Remus complained, gripping his writing hand and wincing. “And sounds are really loud right now, nobody make any loud noises, or I swear to god, I'm gonna puke-

“You’re okay?” Janus asked again, his voice shaking, still hoarse from forced disuse. “You’re  _ really  _ okay?”

“Did you not hear what I said about my head splitting open? Brains, my beautiful brains, all over the floor, does that sound okay to you?” Remus whined, leaning his head back into Janus’s shoulder with a theatrical whimper. Despite his dramatics, Janus could only feel relieved. A complaining Remus meant that he was fine.

“I thought I was going to lose you both.” Janus admitted, feeling like he was going to start sobbing again. “I thought I was going to have to watch while you just became shells of yourselves, and not even be able to scream.”

“God, you’re such a drama king sometimes, Jan.” Virgil said, half mocking. “I’ll have to remember this next time you say I'm too emotional about stuff.” He snickered, and Janus’s heart cracked in his chest.

“Or when you tell me I need to stop being so distracted and focus so I can have better ideas.” Remus added, shattering Janus’s heart completely.

They thought that...

“Is that what you really think?” Janus said, and the raspiness of his voice was mostly due to emotion now. “That I would have you be any different than how you are?”

“Janus, I was just kidding-” Virgil said, a little perplexed.

“I’m sorry, boys.” Janus’s voice was choked, tears welling again in his eyes, but he  _ had _ to say this. “I’m so, so sorry for everything I ever said that made you feel like you weren't enough.”

“Janus?”

“I love you both so much. And there is nothing I wouldn't have done to get you back to normal.” Janus said, pulling Remus in closer. He wrapped his other arm around Virgil, tugging him in, squeezing them both tight. 

Maybe too tight.

“Janus. Janus, you’re crushing me.” Vigil said, choked. “Janus, I can't  _ breathe _ .” 

“Help us, Thomas.” Remus said, reaching out pathetically towards Thomas. Janus glanced at Thomas, about to beg him to let him have this one moment,  _ please _ -

“Not a chance.” Thomas said, a small smile quirking his lips. “The minute he’s done making sure you’re okay, you’re going to have to deal with me until  _ I'm _ satisfied you’re okay. And you scared the absolute crap out of me, so get ready to deal with that for the next few  _ hours _ .”

“Hours?” Remus squeaked.

“ _ Hours _ .” Thomas confirmed, and he met Janus’s eyes, and nodded. A coil of tension uncurled in Janus's chest, and he hid his abruptly stinging eyes by pulling his two boys closer. “Are you okay, Logic?” Thomas paused at the lack of immediate response, and Janus looked up again. At some point Logic had moved away from them entirely, and Janus hadn’t noticed. And he wanted Logic close, just as much as Virgil and Remus, and while it was an entirely new feeling, he was eager to indulge it. “Logic?”

“I am…” Logic’s voice was soft, and he cleared his throat as Thomas spun around to find him standing a little ways down the hallway. “I am over here, Thomas.”

“What are you doing over there?” Thomas asked, getting to his feet and walking to where Logic stood, transfixed. “Wait…” Thomas said, and Janus looked back to see what made Thomas's voice turn so hushed and awed. “Is that…?”

“It…” Janus’s heart rate sped up at the break in Logic’s voice. “It appears that my room has been tethered to the core mindscape.” Logic said, gesturing to the new indigo door embedded into the wall. “This is where the room I had been using here used to be.”

“The room you’ve been using here?” Thomas repeated, confused.

Oops. They had forgotten to tell Thomas about that, hadn't they?

“Yes, Self-Preservation was kind enough to lend me a room to use while I regained my strength-”

“Regained your strength from  _ what _ ?” Thomas asked, sounding incensed. “What happened?”

Logic looked over at where Janus still held Virgil and Remus, their backs pressed against the wall, all three of them trying and failing to look innocent. “You did not tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Thomas said, his voice near a shout, making Remus whimper and press his hands over his ears. “Somebody better start explaining,  _ right now _ .”

“His room’s been gone for a week.” Virgil said immediately. “He spent the first couple of days it was gone hiding in your apartment.”

“I was not  _ hiding- _ ”

“We can't sleep or eat or anything while we’re out with you.” Remus said quietly. “He was pretty fucked up by the time Virgil brought him back.”

“ _ You _ brought him back?” Thomas asked Virgil, something unreadable in his face.

“I told you I'd watch out for him.” Virgil replied. Janus felt like he was listening to half a conversation, but a quick glance at Remus’s confused face showed him that he wasn't alone in that regard.

“...I’m proud of you, Virgil.” Thomas said, and Virgil made a quiet sound in his throat that made Janus's heart ache. Then Thomas frowned, looking back at Logic’s door.

“Hang on…” Thomas said, turning in place in the hallway. The three sides huddled together watched as Thomas peered at each of their own doors, Janus’s in yellow, Virgil’s in purple, and Remus's in green, as well as the silver lettering displaying each of their names and functions. “How come everyone else has their personal names on the door, and your’s only says Logic?” He asked. “Did you guys have to add your names to your doors?”

“No?” Janus answered, confused. “Once we discovered our names, they just showed up on the doors.”

“Then…why-?”

“There is no error here, Thomas.” Logic said, reassuringly. Janus relaxed a little. Maybe things just worked differently in the other mindscape, he thought to himself.

That is, until Logic said, “My personal name is not on the door because I do not have one.”

Janus’s head whipped back around so fast that he felt something crack in his neck. Both Remus and Virgil stiffened, looking at each other aghast.

“Thomas?” Remus called, his voice high and strangled. “My hearing might be acting up again. Did he say what we think he said?”

“You don't have a  _ name _ ?” Janus asked, appalled. “This whole time, you haven’t…”

“I am Logic.” Logic said, as if that was in any way an answer to the question Janus could barely ask. “I have never needed more of an identity than that.”

“You are not just your function. None of us are.” Janus said. “We have...personalities and opinions and hopes and fears-”

“You’ve never tried to find one?” Virgil asked softly, looking like he wished he was numb again. “Not ever?”

“That is-”

“So help me God, if you say, ‘that is irrelevant’, I am going to come over there and smack you silly even if I have to drag this cuddle pile with me.” Remus warned. 

“It  _ is  _ irrelevant.” Logic said insistently. “Yes, I have looked for a name in the past and have been unsuccessful, every time. But not having a name has not affected my productivity. The lack of a personal moniker should have no bearing on my emotions, because I am Logic, and I should never let emotions cloud my rationality.” He reached out and pressed his hands over the space where his name would have been. “So thank you for your concern, but I am very satisfied without a name.”

Silence rang in the hall, as Janus tried to process just how much was wrong with what Logic just said.

But thankfully, Thomas spoke up before Janus could worry about figuring out what to say to that.

“Yeah, no, not allowed.” Thomas grabbed Logic’s hand and yanked him away from his room. “Janus, drag those two downstairs when you’re done cuddling, I need the couch. And we are finding you a name today Logic. End of discussion.”

“Thomas this is your mind, you can go wherever you want with a thought, there is no need to walk…” Logic was saying as he let himself be dragged down the hallway.

Both Virgil and Remus gave Janus pleading looks. “Fine. We can follow. But you two are not leaving my sight-” Janus began, but the two sides had already scrambled to their feet, pulling him up a second later.

“Wait for us!”

* * *

“Harry?”

“No.”

“Percy?”

“No.”

“Stanford?”

“ _ No. _ ”

“Steven? Quentin? Dean?”

“No. Are you just listing names as they pop into your head?”

“Yes. Ooh, what about Callum?”

“No.” Logic said, turning the page in his book, awkwardly reaching around where Remus was draped across his chest. “This is pointless.”

“Come on, Logic, don't give up.” Thomas said from the other end of the mindscape’s enormous couch, a conjured replica of his computer on his lap, while his legs laid across Virgil’s. Janus was sandwiched in between Virgil and Remus, keeping at least one hand on them at all times, still raw from the whole experience.

It had taken a few strong words from Thomas to convince Janus that it was fine to continue holding on to his boys and relax, letting Thomas scrabble together sandwiches from the mindscape’s kitchen.

Janus made a mental note to gently remind Thomas that he had trashed his apartment and would most likely have to cancel his plans for the next day, but that could wait.

“This serves no purpose. I am perfectly content with the name Logic.” Logic continued, reaching for his cup of tea. “And this is precisely why I have never bothered with a name before. There are an infinitesimal number of names in the English language, and that is not taking into account the number of names specific to other countries of origin-”

“Infinitesimal means really small.” Virgil piped up.

“What?”

“Infinitesimal. It means really small.” Virgil repeated, reaching forward to grab another sandwich off the tray. “Not really big.” 

Logic’s mouth moved soundlessly for a moment before he groaned, leaning his head back against the couch. “Well, Instinct corrected me. Black is white, up is down, and I definitely need a new name now as I can no longer be considered the  _ intellectual  _ side.”

Virgil made an offended noise while Remus snorted his laughter into his drink. “How dare you? I know things too.” He paused. “And…it’s Virgil.”

“...Virgil? Really?” Logic asked. Virgil bristled. 

“What’s  _ that  _ supposed to mean?”

“It is not what I anticipated.” Logic said, with a half shrug. 

“Wait. Did you really not know his name until now?” Thomas asked, looking confusedly between Virgil and Logic. “I’ve said it before though, I'm sure I have.”

“Sharing our names is...an important rite for us as sides.” Janus said, squeezing Virgil’s shoulder to show how proud he was of the instinctual side. “Once we give our names, we always know them, but until then, all we know is our functions, even if someone else says our names.”

“How did you choose your name, Virgil?” Logic asked, closing his book and giving Virgil his undivided attention. “You did not have one when I left.”

“I dunno. It was a long time ago.” Virgil mumbled. “I just...heard it one day, and I knew it was supposed to be mine.”

“...Thank you, Virgil, that is wildly unhelpful.”

“Maybe we’re going about this all wrong?” Thomas sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Instead of just random names, what about names that mean logic? So you don't lose that part of yourself?” He tapped at his keyboard for a bit, before turning it around to face his sides. “Any of these names jump out at you guys?”

“For the fourth time, I do not need a personal-”

“What about...?” Janus suggested, eager to cut Logic off before he could make the same terrible speech for the fourth time. It had been bad enough hearing it the first time, but every time after had been agony. His eyes caught on the jar of loganberry jam on the tray.

Loganberry.

“What about Logan?” 

Logic stopped speaking abruptly, his mouth hanging open, his eyes wide. 

“Hmm. Logic, Logos, Logan. I like it.” Thomas said, seemingly unaware where Janus’s bolt of inspiration had really come from.

“I kind of like it too.” Remus said, sitting up a little bit. “But it really only matters if Logic likes it, right?”

“That’s right.” Janus said, but he could feel the smile tugging at his mouth at the gobsmacked look on Logic’s face. “Well?”

“I…” Logic swallowed, closing his book. “Can…” His voice was faint, and Janus's smile grew. “Can you try utilizing it?”

“Sure.” Thomas cleared his throat loudly. “This is my logical side, Logan.”

“Logan’s my best friend. Logan’s into stars and books and he is always interested in my experiments, which makes him awesome.” Remus chirped, grinning broadly when Logic’s ears turned a little pink in response.

“This nerd is Logan. Logan likes Crofter’s jam  _ way  _ too much, seriously, Logan, you went through like three jars in one week, dude.” Virgil rolled his eyes at the look of surprise on Remus’s face. “Yeah, I know you kept stealing it for him, Remus, you're not  _ subtle- _ ”

“Oh, like  _ you’re  _ in any position to talk about the merit of subtlety-” 

“Logan is a vital part of Thomas,” Janus added, quiet, but solemnly enough that both Remus and Virgil stopped bickering. “Thomas would be lost without Logan.”

Logic was staring unseeing into the middle distance, his bright eyes whirling rapidly. 

“Logan?” Remus prodded him in the side. “You okay?”

“I...yes.” Logic said, his voice choked, as he adjusted his glasses, clearly trying to hide the fact that his eyes were a bit shiny. “Yes, I believe that...that is the one.” He cleared his throat. “I...I am Logan.”

“Then it’s settled.” Janus said, reaching across Remus to extend his hand to the logical side. “It is wonderful to meet you, Logan. Welcome back to the mindscape.”

“...It is good to be back,” Logan said, taking the proffered hand after just a moment, “...Janus.”

[End of Arc 1]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of Arc 1! We're taking a little hiatus for September, but we are planning to be back on the first Saturday in October with Episode 8. In the meantime, you can find us at @frejennix or @lalijinx on tumblr if you want to continue to talk to us, we'll be answering questions and cackling at incoherent screams.


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